


You Wanted What You Wanted

by setoutwithme



Category: Lovecraft Country (TV), Lovecraft Country - Matt Ruff
Genre: Angst, Clearly in my feelings, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Missing Scene, Petty, Reconciliation, lol, malcolm and marie need to have several seats, of sorts, the car ride that was promised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28991940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setoutwithme/pseuds/setoutwithme
Summary: After their heated exchange in the phone room, Christina and Ruby respectively have deep and personal revelations about all that had transpired that day and where they stand before and after a certain phone call as well as the conversation in the car leading to the basement confrontation.Ep 8 - 9 Missing Moments of between Christina and Ruby's argument and eventual reconciliation.
Relationships: Ruby Baptiste/Christina Braithwhite, Ruby Baptiste/Christina Braithwhite/William
Comments: 23
Kudos: 75





	1. An Empty House

**Author's Note:**

> I hate it here. Let's just get that out in the open. 
> 
> This fic wouldn't leave me alone ever since I first saw this couple and one of the many things that bothered me was the scenes we didn't get to see of them especially after such high emotions during their argument. A scene that is extremely heavy on everything that is and isn't being said and this is my take on a lot of that. 
> 
> This chapter is a rollercoaster ride in trying to piece together Christina and Ruby's thoughts before the reunion of sorts coming soon. 
> 
> Mistakes are mine and much love to those that sat through my emo fits and self-cringe.
> 
> Inspired Music:  
> I Put A Spell On You - Alice Smith https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsEkqemhylE  
> Unknown(To You) - Jacob Banks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfGdl-xZK9M  
> What Is Love - Jaymes Young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRP3Cqgpd6Q

**Christina**

The sun was barely just going down when Christina found herself pulling into the driveway. Her momentary elation from meeting Leti in the church and gaining the negatives had dissipated on the drive back. 

As much as she forced her mind to focus on the task at hand, the goals necessary for her spell, the more brown skin and teary eyes and trembling lips filled her mind. 

_I want you to feel what I feel right now._

Her eyes closed as she grit her teeth. Leaning back against the car seat. Her anger and hurt, she can admit now, that the woman had vexed her and managed to break some part of her she didn't think was breakable anymore after living under Samuel Braithwhite's thumb.

She could only exhale remembering the words that fell from those beautiful lips. Lips she had longed to kiss ever since first hearing sweet lyrics fall from. Lips she had spent a good enough time as William acquainting herself with and again left in longing for the moment that her own would find a home there. Lips she hungrily sought after providing the only comfort she could when the distraught woman had somehow chosen this home to be a sanctuary from the outside world. Lips that pulled away from her after responding back to her hungry kiss before reality shifted the truth from the haze. Lips that in her own pettiness Christina refused to kiss again until Ruby was once more in her own skin. 

Fucked up when she herself had remained as William.It was greedy and selfish of her to take the skin from Ruby without shedding her own but she couldn’t help the flood of fear that washed over when the woman had pulled away. The look in those brown eyes she couldn’t decipher and thus rejection was bitter even on her tongue. Only the sweetness of her hand remaining clasped on Williams' wrist kept her from either throwing caution to the wind and taking her lips once more or bolting from the room. 

Instead, she accepted the apologetic look in Ruby’s eyes as her mouth opened and closed trying to form words even she couldn’t find. Searching the water for the discarded sponge and resuming the gentle strokes across her skin. All the while, the soft brown hand held tightly against her own as she worked to relieve the tension and grief from her shoulders. Eventually standing to her feet and extending a hand that was taken by the woman rising from the tub. The water sliding off her body as Christina averted her eyes and focused on the task of toweling her off. 

Stepping back she had waited patiently for the woman to step from the tub so she could attend to her lower legs and feet. Ignoring the small intakes of breath above her as she fought kissing her way back up smooth limbs. Rising to full height, their eyes met and a gate of emotions held back swung open. 

“I’m sorry,” Ruby’s soft voice, broken and tired whispered after a moment.

Christina swallowed, feeling the bob in Williams throat before sending a small smile that probably came off tighter than intended.

“You,” she began, dabbing the towel once more against drying skin, “Have nothing to apologize for.” 

And it was the truth. 

Turning around to leave the bathroom and returning just as swiftly with the dark robe. Holding out the garment with a nod for the other woman to turn around and slide her arms through. Hands reaching over to adjust the shoulders and lapels before turning her around. Christina dropped her eyes to Williams hands folding over one side of the garment on the other and pulling the belt across. Biting the inside of her cheeks at the elephant in the room between them. She could feel Ruby’s eyes on her. Feel the tremors in her breath against her skin from the little space between them. 

“I won't kiss you again, unless you want me to.” she vowed, tying one loop as if it were a ritual of sorts. Making sure their eyes met as she added another loose knot. “I promise.” 

The haze of leaving the bathroom with the woman's hand held in her own still left Christina confused as she sat in her car mulling over every moment that went right and wrong after that point. 

Without words they managed to enter the bedroom. She recalled Ruby was awkward in her frozen position, remaining rooted in place. Curious eyes on the brown skinned woman as she traversed before the bed and stood there. Lost in her own world that Christina would give anything to hear just a word or two from those thoughts.

_William’s mouth, my words. William’s touch, my intentions._

Shoving his hands into the trousers if only to ground herself to the tense atmosphere as she continued to wage war with honoring her words promised moments ago and stalking over to the woman at the root of her turmoil and kissing the pain and fear and whatever dark insecurities that danced in her mind. 

“Do you want me to leave?” was all she could muster. A familiarity in removing herself when her presence was not wanted yet she couldn't pinpoint if this was such a moment. And so she stood there waiting for direction.

The surge of relief and boosted confidence when the dark haired woman shook her head vehemently before sending a fearful gaze over the shoulder. 

“Do you want to leave?” was her response. Almost biting. Nearly broken. 

“No. But if you want me to-”

“I want you to stay.” Ruby had said with more conviction and force both of them were used to. 

It was enough.

A simple nod before Christina moved to the small bench across the room. Aware of the brown liquid gaze on her and what appeared to be a flicker of disappointment before looking away. A returned silence as the robed figure kept to her thoughts. Quietly moving to the dresser.

Their eyes meeting in the mirror filled with pain, anguish, longing and something else? 

And then before the newfound silence and tension could swallow them whole, the air was broken by the familiar clanking of a bottle opened. Her eyes had shot up to catch black hair tilting back. Legs rising before her brain could process what had transpired. Blue eyes finding brown fading into blue through the mirror. Brown skin turning white.

_You don't want me to kiss you as Hilary?_

_Do you want to kiss Hilary?_

The answer was no. 

_I want to kiss whatever you want me to kiss._

A truthful statement she had long started to see was a lie. 

She didn't want to kiss Hilary or Dell. Only Ruby. It was hypocritical and selfish to hide behind William. Whatever brazen she mustered to kiss her in that tub after spending so long unable to do so had vanished and sealed itself up. But it didn't stop her from undressing nor meeting the other women halfway to the center of the room and claiming her mouth for the last moments before soft sweet lips thinned to that of another. Still her, but not as sweet. Not as real. Keeping blue eyes fixed on her the entire time, ready to pull away as she had moments before just as the features of Ruby became less and less. From then, the falsity of Williams' lips ceased to ever seek the falsity of Hilary’s. The control given freely to whoever this woman wanted to be at that moment. 

The honking of a car passing down the street pulled Christina from her thoughts. Her hands still clenched around the steering wheel. 

She knew she was being a coward. 

Waiting in the car for some sign she knew wouldn't come. A brown face and black hair telling her to get her narrow white ass in the house. And she was to blame in part. Her words, a truth in her own rationalization, delivered in such a way to hurt. A defense that was perfected from so long under cruel manipulation and anything else Samuel could be bothered to throw her way. And like a dog to a bone, every time she gave chase until realizing her bark could hurt just as much as her bite. But with Ruby on the receiving end, it felt as if she were the only one to be wounded.

"Fuck." Christina mumbled feeling irritation surging through her. 

The drive provided a necessary cool down but the pit in her stomach wouldn't close the empty feeling she had the moment the words wouldn't stop tumbling from her mouth. Finally she stepped out from the vehicle, a silent chant of peaceful words in Adam to not be entering another storm that had plenty of time to brew. 

The first thing she noticed once the double glass doors closed behind her was how quiet the house was. Far too quiet even for her liking and customary expectations. A heaviness falling over her that was never there before long enough to fester. A heaviness she had only felt when she had transformed back into her own skin before a shocked and angry Ruby. Betrayal reading in her eyes. Her own voice pathetic with desperate pleas falling from her lips in hopes that this enigma of a woman wouldn't run away. An emptiness waiting to devour her if she did. This was that feeling all over again. 

The other thing she noticed was the circlet of keys left on the floor by the doors. It was evident who those keys belonged to. The only other hands she trusted enough to have access to every inch of the house. And everything in it. She bent down enough to pick up the keys and stare at them. A harsh sting of rejection and bitterness creeping up at what the cool metal in her hands signified. Biting her lip she kept her gaze forward and flung the keys on the foyer table before resuming a heated pace. Christina had barely made it past the foyer before she stopped to stare into the phone room. 

Everything as it was.

Neat. Empty. Wrong.

_No. No, I don't care..._

Christina winced learning against the entryway staring off into nothing. Running her fingers along the negatives lost deep in thought of her less than pleasant tirade. She could and should have said I'm sorry. Or at least say what Ruby wanted to hear. Maybe even do as the woman demanded of her that day she sat on the couch bloody and shivering and beautiful and shut the fuck up.

Yet part of her couldn’t deny the sting she felt from Ruby’s words. She tried to understand. Fairly certain she wouldn’t given their obvious differences. But she was listening. She was always listening to Ruby. And in listening to her a small part of Christina started to feel as if she were once again chained under her fathers wrathful gaze. At the mercy of accusatory eyes that had nowhere else to place the blame but on her. Place the blame because she was the semi-useful abomination with a cunt. Place the blame because her skin and cunt combined made her the epitome of unfairness and privilege. Place the blame on her because despite it all, she had perfected and wrapped herself comfortably in the mindset to not give a fuck either way. 

Because she could take it. 

She could take her father's misogyny and coldness at her existence. She could take Ruby's disgust and fire at her apathy and indifference that allowed her to exist this long. 

_Because on today of all days, I didn't want to be a black woman fucking a white man!_

She just couldn't take that and everything it meant. 

The implication that she was anywhere near or worse than Samuel Braithwhite. That she was as cruel and evil as Lancaster and those men like him that took pleasure in murdering colored children. That she was similar to the hive mind of this city that continued to play by those rules. That she was just a minuscule detail in the chapter of Ruby and William when she was in fact the main reason that fucking book was opened in the first place. That there was nothing between them. That she was incapable of love even as a concept.

Indeed something snapped. 

The room muting as her ears rang louder than the memory of a vicious sting from a reprimanding father angered at having been spoken back to. That nasty monster that lurked in everyone, who lurked in Christina and made itself at home the moment she realized her mother was never coming back. Who fought against the gate that even she was afraid to open just a bit. The monster that had no say in the way she felt about this woman and made love to this woman but could look her straight on with a smile and tell her that she didn't care. No longer allowing Ruby the safety of pretending she was being fucked by anyone but her. No longer allowing Ruby to act as if she didn't want her desires met, by her. 

_You took that potion because you wanted to hide from the fact that even on today of all days, you were a woman, who wanted what she wanted._

She didn't even blink. Relishing and hating herself all at once at the range of emotions dancing on Ruby's broken face. Afraid to face the mirror to see her own. But if the pain and hurt and disappointment was any indication, she didn't want to see her own. Yet she wouldn’t look away. Forcing her eyes to remain steadfast on the one person in a long time that made her feel uncertain. And to her credit, Ruby didn’t look away either despite the salted tracks on her face. Tears she helped cause directly and indirectly.

_Good._

_I'm sorry._

Gritting her teeth she rolled her eyes and walked away as she had earlier. This time ignoring the stinging in her own eyes as she moved to the basement. Pausing momentarily to listen for sounds of creaking floorboards, soft singing and anything to give a hint that the other occupant was still there. Pathetic and foolish yet like a desperate child she waited longer than necessary to confirm suspicions she already had the answers to. 

Ruby was gone. Again.

The truth pissed her off. 

She had no right to be pissed off.

This newfound anger having her stomping down the basement stairs. The negatives flung on the workbench as she roughly picked up books and shuffled papers about. 

She had done nothing wrong. She didn't ask for Ruby to come. She didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do. Yet, she had been perfectly content with being a comfort to the woman she had grown to care for more than she intended to. And that was at all. Christina wasn't even expecting them to make lo- no, _fuck._ Not that she was complaining. 

Still these thoughts pulled her up short as she tried to understand what set the fuse. 

_Did they make love? Was that what it was? Did that scare her?_

Unable to deny the surprise and elation she had felt pulling up to the house and seeing Ruby there. Their last encounter in the basement where she answered her questions but the woman had still chosen to leave the following morning. The following days spent missing her presence as well as this particular day where emotions were on high. 

She had spent the morning by her mother's crypt. Nowhere else to go when the world was on the verge of collapsing on itself. Families sticking closer than ever with eyes ever glued to their children. Not wanting to be another mother grieving over their child. Even the mothers who didn't have to fear for their child facing such a fate because their lily white skin kept them safe.

_Mourning a sweet boy who was taken from us._

Ruby’s words of this very thing echoing in her ears. Such a notion wasn't lost on her and most of all she had been worried for Ruby knowing the gentle woman with a hard exterior would be broken. Somehow managing to catch but a glimpse of her and her estranged cousin within the crowd. Comforted at least in knowing she had her sister and family with her before turning away from the bustle of curious faces and heading to the cemetery. Entertaining her cousin and his poor excuse for bravado. Tasting his sudden need to learn magic in the air. Desperate enough to seek her out despite ignoring her for weeks and that poorly executed lack luster attempt to intimidate her. All that time spent with Atticus, and then the little time it took turning into William when she could’ve gone about her business and hopefully find Ruby even if to watch her from afar.

Only to find when riding down the street that nosey ass gardner she loathed hunching his shoulders towards Ruby.

Her Ruby.

Christina’s mind barely processed Williams hands turning the ignition off and stepping out. A tunnel vision that had her striding to Ruby's side. 

_“Do you know her?”_

_“Yes I do.”_

_More than you know,_ she had thought keeping her eyes transfixed on the woman.

The pain on Ruby’s face was stronger than the clenching of the keys digging into her pocketed hand. Hoping she was able to convince with eye contact that she would do anything to ease that anguish.

_Say the words Ruby. Say the words and I will kill him and anyone else for hurting you._

Her thoughts were extreme.

Granted, it could be argued kissing her and everything that transpired in that bedroom and later downstairs had been equally extreme. But she couldn't take the far away look in her eyes. The silent tears tracking her cheeks as she allowed William's hands to lead her into the house and disrobe her. Williams hands to guide her into the tub. Williams hands to caress her with the sponge. Williams lips. All she accepted until reminded that it wasn't William. It was her. Every single moment, touch, kiss, caress and moan. It was her. 

Her desire to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. The way she should've been treated long before first ever having sight of the woman.

Well she had tried as much as she could and sure as hell wasn't going to try further. Still reeling trying to figure out Ruby's own processes. How that woman melted into the kisses denied by both of them. The fact that she moaned _her_ name and the way her hips bucked and rolled in tandem. The way she clung to his frame, but remembering the feeling of painted nails sinking and grazing into the flesh as if trying to pull Christina out the shell of her vessel. And she nearly had. The only thing keeping the metamorphosis at bay was the sinking feeling that those brown eyes staring at her as if on the edge of a cliff and reaching a hand out to her would pull back once slender and softer fingers replaced those far thicker and manly. 

_Is that what she wanted? Me?_

Christina closed her eyes at the possibilities that maybe she read the moment wrong. Maybe Ruby wanted her. Maybe she wanted them to be them.

_But she rejected the kiss. She accepted the others._

_But she was coming off the high of an orgasm. She kept kissing you._

_But it was Williams' lips. She said your name._

_But she-_

Back and forth. Around and around.

This was the game assaulting her mind. When she should’ve been headfirst working to develop those negatives and making the steps closer to benefit her immortality, she was obsessing over mortal problems, mortal feelings and all for a mortal woman. 

Her eyes fell on William. An itch to turn off his machine for all the trouble he was causing her. 

"Not only are you not a good fuck, you don't even fancy woman, " she mumbled petulantly. Her eyes scanning over his vitals. "Besides you wouldn't even know what to do with her. To know where or how she likes it," she trailed off. Turning around and catching Dell's still form to do the same. 

"And you haven't the faintest clue. You're not her, certainly boring and I didn't even want you."

With no one to give her a response, she could only laugh at her ridiculousness. 

She was going mad. Complaining and chastising two corpses. 

Sighing and knowing she would get no work done she ventured back upstairs. Dragging her feet to the bedroom as she pulled at the clasp of her skirt. Scowling at the circular bed. Still feeling the touch she yearned for on her own skin. The hand that tried to keep Williams form from leaving the bed as the transformation was taking hold. Sleepy words begging her to stay amidst the pain of trying to break free of skin. The hand that eventually fell away after she could barely muster coherent Adam to grant a much needed reprieve of sleep to the beautiful woman in her bed before hiding in the bathroom just as her slender arm broke free. Returning to find the spell had kept hold despite exhaustion seeping into her bones, the dark skinned woman was asleep and surrounded by such a mess of blood, flesh and strewn clothes. 

Drained but determined on her feet, she managed to quickly move about the room and clean up the mess they had made. Bits of Adamic filling the silence to aid in places she was too tired to reach until the only thing left to do was tend to the center of it all. Clearing the remnants off the both of them and placing Ruby on a freshly made bed. Certain that nothing was out of place and to avoid her having to see any further horrors the day had offered. She could tell the spell was wearing off soon by the slight grimace and furrowed brows. Her hands caressing a cheek lined with a single salty tear. Even in her sleep Ruby was in pain and it….bothered her. Christina leant forward to kiss the salted track before regretfully standing and leaving her to sleep. 

And somehow, it was a great mistake as emotions flared. 

Christina stood before the mirror just as Ruby had before her eyes trailed up. Burning holes into her reflection. Her skin clear and perfect save for the scarred flesh detailing the mark that kept her from harm before her fist was up and striking hard against the mirror. The frame splintering and falling just as easily from the force of her assault. She hadn't felt a thing and the knowledge left her staring at her unblemished hand. Everything as it was despite the broken shards. Picking up a broken piece, her eyes remained transfixed on the sharp edges, and yet it did not sway her fingers closing in on the edge with such force that should’ve had a trail of crimson inching down from her palm. Instead the glass continued to crumble into smaller and finer particles and dust. Still, the damage wasn’t done to her. 

_I want you to feel what I feel_

_Heartbroken._

_Scared._

_Furious._

_Tired. So fucking tired._

_And you will never understand._

Releasing a shaky breath she wasn't aware she was holding and forcing her to sit on the edge of bed just as she had earlier. Caught in William’s skin with Ruby wrapped in a tight embrace in Hilary’s. 

Shameful and Safe.

The dreary silence engulfed her once more. Yet only one truth finding its way to keep her grounded and falling all at once. The same truth that had begun to burrow deep not long after spending time with the beautiful woman. A truth that was she had begun to accept staring down at the woman trembling on that bed.

She loved Ruby. 

She was angry at her. But she loved her.

Whatever that meant.

And she wanted her here. 

Home and with her.

To want what she wanted.

To feel what she felt.

So it was no big deal when the sun continued its way down and she was picking away at whatever she mustered together at the empty dining room table that Christina found herself tossing out the trash and catching the attention of the two men putting away their heavy tools into their pick up truck.

"Can we help you Miss?" One asked upon her approach. Ignoring the way his beady eyes traced her form.

_I want you to feel what I feel._

"Gentleman, I believe you can." She answered with a tight smile as she flashed a full money clip.

**Ruby**

Ruby sighed as she stood by the phone base. Her heart racing as the past several hours of high emotions and constant adrenaline slowed its course but still left every part of her being unsettled. One of the few times she had managed to find a moment to herself for the day and gather her thoughts.

For a moment of peace and quiet. 

And yet it was no different for the voices in her head knew nothing of peace and were anything but quiet. Staring death in the face over and over in the span of a day was enough to last a lifetime. And it didn't help nor was it lost on her that the day started and would end with the price of a child's life. A black child's life. The hurt in knowing that there was nothing she or anyone else could do. 

And then there was _her_.

_Christina will help Dee. For me._

A bold declaration and boasted proudly even in the shocked and perplexed faces of Atticus and his father nor the agitation growing on her own sister’s, but one she now knew left her with all the doubt in the world. Not a foreign feeling she had when it came to the statuesque blonde and still there was just one.

Uncertainty.

A safe word she could use to describe her thoughts about Christina. One minute those blue eyes spoke of someone looking for affection without the slightest idea on how to get it. Other times affection seemed to be the last thing to make a difference. Then the moments where affection was a weapon she mastered for her own amusement. 

And to Ruby it felt as if she were the main target for such an assault. 

Yet upon learning the truth and the veil that was Christina and William was removed, more and more William's eyes became Christina's. Leaving Ruby to ponder how much of William beyond words and eyes were in fact Christina. Just as much as she spent time studying the features of much shorter blonde hair, a chiseled jaw and broad shoulders, she would be a liar to say that her gaze didn’t linger after a slim figure, long legs and long blonde tresses whenever walking in the halls or moments before doors closed. 

And there rested the turmoil and the realization.

Those eyes always belonged to one. Those words belonged to one. The movements, attitude and presence belonged to one.

_The words may have come from William’s mouth, but they were mine._

Before the reveal, Christina in either form was attentive and willing, in more ways than one she now knew, to be around her as well. The listening ear and encouraging words. The acceptance she yearned for. The refusal to allow her to be silent or silenced. The lips that hungrily sought hers. It was these constants that kept her from running away before that desperate plea to stay stilled her legs. The declarations. The kept promises. The give and the take that left her wanting nothing more than to be in the Hyde Park mansion. 

And to be fair, she wouldn’t deny that the thought of this lithe woman who was often more quiet and to herself unless necessary was a smooth bitch once that potion did its purpose. Looking back on everything, the assuredness of William, the sweet talk, the dirty talk, the ability to sweep Ruby off her feet and leave her dancing on the edge, she knew she was in deep and it was all because of one Christina Braithwhite. 

Even if this was all bullshit, she had been kissed, fucked and fucker over enough times to know that whatever this was, nothing could or would ever compare. 

How could she tell? 

No matter how much every fiber of her being screamed at her to haul ass and don't dare look back, she couldn't help falling in love with being wanted and taking what she wanted with both hands. And her lover had stepped up to the plate even in the deceit by offering her the one thing she seemed to never hold on to long enough. Freedom.

Freedom and her lover opening the doors in wait for her to step through.

Lover. Tasting the word on her tongue.

Bitter And sweet. Truth and deception. 

Despite the circumstances she had started to make peace reflecting ever since that first night at the bar. Recalling the ways in which her lover kissed her. And it was always loving. 

Desperate. 

Pleading. 

Comforting. 

Safe. 

Uncertain.

And it wasn't just the intimacy of kissing but the way in which those lips spoke to the places in her heart long thought to have been abandoned and forgotten. Misused long before this same heart leaped at the promises of a lovers passion but danced at a mother's love and promises.

Those same lips, thin and pink, pouty or curling upwards to that smirk, had the power to shred her with brutal honesty. A honesty that should've had her decking the blonde bitch straight in her mouth. And on her mothers grave did Ruby want to lash out at the woman and her blank expression for her cruel response. But she remained rooted because those blue eyes bespoke something else. Something only she could understand after spending so long staring at them whether it was Christina in her own body or parading around as William.

Fear. Hurt. Emptiness. Abandoned and forgotten.

Someone who spent long enough being denied something that once they have it, afraid anything could take it away. Someone who would rather destroy that illusion themselves before anyone else could. Ruby could understand that. In fact she was a master at interrupting herself especially when it came to her own flesh and blood.

The sound of the others hollering in the main room once more pulling her from her reverie. Ruby blinked forcing herself to stop this mind game and in reaching for the phone could only pause noting the way her hands shook. 

“Shit,” she mumbled with a shaky breath.

 _This bitch has me unable to make a damn phone call. I’m shaking!_ Ruby thought incredulously. Slamming back down the phone onto the cradle. Biting her lips and forcing her eyes to close. And all she kept seeing as she did was an open casket, blue eyes and a haze of bullets. Her body shuddering at the knowledge of only one of those were capable in bringing her comfort and joy and misery all at once. To leave her body trembling in fear and want. In ecstasy and hatred.

Shaking from the revenant touches upon her skin and of course Dell’s. The way she trembled in the strong embrace of her lover allowing her to take whatever comfort she could and holding her through it all with hands and eyes. Just as her body shook when she couldn't shuffle her feet in any direction after Christina had stepped around her and even then as the door was slammed by her eventual departure from their home. 

Their home. Another concept she continued to taste on her tongue. 

Her trembling did not ease one bit as she stood there for far too long. The silence, threatening to swallow her up and spit her back out. The same way Christina had.

Many things that happened yesterday rattled Ruby to her core but the fact of that woman just up and leaving as if she had the last word had her fucked up. 

Her anger and hurt as a woman, a black woman, _her_ woman, she might as well admit that now, burned deeper than anything ever had before. And all she could see was red.

The screeching tires and rumbling engine fading away was the jolt she needed to quickly wipe at her eyes, take deep breaths from holding them in for so long and turn about from the phone room. Feeling dizzy as the walls felt to be closing in on Her. A warning that if she didn't leave now she would be enclosed forever. Her eyes misty and wild landing on her discarded clutch which she grabbed off the foyer table and was soon slamming the door just as hard.

Her steps down the cobbled stoned path faltering at the sound of keys rustling with brisk unsteady movements. Reminding her of another house that was no longer starting to feel like home. How could it? When everywhere she turned the ideals of family and love and relationships were proving over and over again to be easily broken by words and actions.

Ruby was tired of it. Tired of being broken by a mother's empty words she no longer needed to hold on to. Tired of being broken by a brother and sister who went on about their lives and sought to interrupt just when she settled on her own. Tired of being broken by the men that promised her the world and more to slide in her bed. And she would be damned if Christina Braithwhite would get the chance to do the same.

 _She already has._

The single thought that braked her steps enough to have her turning back to the house, opening the door just enough to send the keys heavy in her hands sliding across the floor. Her eyes catching them rest against the inner glass barrier. Ignoring the fact this time the door did not slam as hard behind her.

But she was done. 

Snatching up the phone, her fingers rapidly spun the dial as she waited. Fully prepared to ask…. no, demand the woman put her money where her mouth was. Use her magic for something other than fucking her as a man. For cursing assholes like Lancaster.

Absolutely prepared to have the last words robbed of her when the devil spoke her sin and truth.

_Fuck her and her house and her magic and her selfish and self-righteous, I do not care ass!_

The mantra that carried her feet all the way from the manor on the north back to the south side. To another house that proved to be full of shit as well. 

The line rang out before disabling. But Ruby wasn't playing this game. Slamming down the receiver and snatching it back up just as quickly before repeating the process on the dial.

Christina Braithwhite was not going to ignore her. Not now or ever. 

When the line disabled again and she tried once more, she had half a mind to find herself at Hyde Park and put it all to right. If right meant cussing out the woman that dared to look at her, touch her and speak to her as if she were the reason the sun chose to rise and the moon to shine and yet snatch that all away to make her feel as if the pain of her heart and existence didn't mean one damn thing. 

That Ruby Baptiste who spent her entire life being mother, daughter and sister, doing any and everything for others and leaving herself undone, would not know herself or what she wanted.

Her shaking returned and so did the spinning of the room forcing her legs to move and sit on the wooden chair by the desk. Her head falling in her hands as she struggled to breathe the air clawing at her lungs. The phone a mockery before her face until her eyes blurred with stinging salt.

Christina hadn't answered. 

It pissed her off.

She had every right to be pissed off.

She was pissed off at how much it hurt. 

The thought of her truly going about her business with little regard stung Ruby even in the broken pieces of her heart she continued to pick up with bare and bloody hands. Pieces that were slowly being put back together by hands that were always reaching out for her.

Once more in the past few hours Ruby tried to gather the shards of the day. She could barely register how she had managed to find herself nearing the manor. A pain just waiting to take hold of her the moment she stopped moving. This invisible force that kept pulling and pulling until she was nearing the black gates that had been a refuge of sorts. 

That refuge was blown away by the truth of the inhabitants of the manor and now the annoying gardener that Ruby recalled both Christina and William mumbling on their dislike of him. For Ruby, he was just a white man being a white man. But today, she wasn’t in the mood for white men being white men. In fact she was absolutely fucking tired of them all.

It had been a blur of sorts the moment the car had pulled up and William’s physique made straight for her. A look so simple yet sinister in those blue eyes that Ruby couldn't help but feel safe and tired. Safe in that Christina could emote even through another's lens a promise of retribution if she only had the courage or care to ask.Tired that it would only take a white man to turn down another white man as if all was well.

It was also a blur entering the house, barely able to muster the strength to refuse the offering to eat or drink something. Barely able to notice the feel of warm hands taking her own and leading her up the staircase. And yet she held on tight. Allowing those hands to tend to her. To make her feel sure that everything wasn’t spiraling out of control. That there could be something good in a world that would harm a child in such a way.

And then the darkness was ruptured when wet hands pulled her closer, cupping her cheek and desperate lips made her burn. The familiarity was sweet. Those very lips an expert in making her feel wanted. Satisfying that need to be loved. Those lips that belonged to another face. 

She had no choice but to pull away. Already feeling herself falling down into an abyss with no aid in sight. Ruby just wasn’t sure if the fact that she didn’t want to be saved from falling was worse.

Christina in her best efforts didn’t give her any indication that she was annoyed from the rejection. If anything, those eyes seemed lost. Afraid at how to proceed and because she felt the same, Ruby kept her hand firmly on William’s wrist in fear that the true owner would leave her alone. Feeling the sponge resume once more on her skin wasn’t enough to quell the tingling of her lips, the slight quenching of her thighs and the shame of wanting all of it. 

The shame that was creeping around her for even being in this house, this tub and on a day such as this fought against the longing and desire that hadn't dissipated since finding those eyes on her that night in the bar nor those eyes pleading for her to stay and try to understand the deceit of it all.

She could hear the voices so well and even trying to find those eyes working hard to avoid her own, longing won out and still lost. Just as she moved to initiate her own kiss, her lover was standing and prepping a towel. The moment seemingly gone before she could properly settle into it and already the lingering taste of the sweet mouth on her own was fleeing. 

Christina's promise to not kiss her again unless she wanted her to nearly made Ruby double over in laughter or tears. She wasn’t sure which and nearly called her a liar given the way those eyes were always seemingly obsessed with staring at her lips. Even now. Either way she didn’t have time to choose before strong hands were once again leading her into the bedroom. 

Grateful at the lone figure for not hovering but keeping a distance so she could figure out her next move. Offering her a reprieve through silence until even that became too much. 

_“Do you want me to leave?”_ his voice, her words called from behind. 

She thought she had answered more than with the shaking of her head. Such a request filled her with the same dread racing behind her all morning and one thought to have been abandoned once blue eyes and tender hands pulled her to safety. This encouraged her to make it known that she wanted her to stay. The world could think her a fool. A traitor. A sinful harlot. It didn't matter. She didn't want her to leave. 

Their eyes locked in understanding where she was the first to look away. The rush of emotions her realizations bestowed on her. Knowing the person behind her wouldn’t look away first. Listening to the sound of a light tread move to sit on the bench and wait. 

A request for her to stand back up and close the gap between them dancing on Ruby’s tongue. And yet she couldn’t help the constant tug in her head filling that gap with all the reasons as to why such a gap existed between them. Why it needed to exist less the door to unspoken things be opened. And of course the plain sight reminder of who exactly was she asking to close this gap.

William, the man she thought she knew that did not exist? Christina, the woman she was learning and relearning that was still such a mystery to be real? Or both?

Exhausted of these thoughts, Ruby closed her eyes in a grimace and only opened them again to find her own face staring back at her. Fully taking in the woman she was and was becoming. The tiredness in her eyes. The defeat in her posture. Only the sight of her rising shoulders reminding her that she was alive. That she was still there. That the abyss wouldn’t have her unless she chose to leap. Yet she couldn’t help but lift her gaze to the silent figure in the corner. Christina’s posture in Williams body firm and straight but tense. Always perfect and astute unless relaxed. The tension in those eyes trained on her with parted lips. Probably waiting for whatever reaction Ruby couldn’t quite muster the energy for. Such trepidation from the usually prepared and calculating and smooth being was giving her such solace that at least they were both human. Despite the unmitigated freedom magic allowed and that they were capable of feeling.

And yet being human and with such power at their fingertips, they lived in a world of monsters. No human would murder an innocent. A child. No human would seek to harm another because of their color or sex and perhaps even both. No human would seek revenge to satisfy a wronged slight made against them or another. No human would create a life of sorts with the bodies left in a basement. 

These were the actions of monsters. Some more vicious than others. And she couldn't help but search for a place where Christina would fit. Where she herself would fit. Staring at their reflections, that place wavered for if they were monsters, how could they love?How could they be monsters and capable of such emotions and palpable desire if the differences in the color of their skin made them the epitome of hatred on all sides? How could they be monsters when she never felt so light and free?

_You wanna know why I took that potion?_

A question that she had kept asking herself for weeks since first ever experiencing the effects of such magic and every time the copper crimson fluid slid on her tongue after. One in which she couldn’t settle on a single answer without bouncing to another and back again. But on this particular day, one of those reasons was sitting behind her with such an expression that filled her with desire. A posture that fought to sag with defeat waiting for a woman, a colored woman that unbeknownst to them, was too ashamed to admit that Ruby had never felt more loved or wanted than in their orbit. She had never felt invisible and without a voice as her lover never wavered their eyes from her nor dismissed any fears and aspirations seared into her cheek from biting back for so long. 

_Because on today of all days, I didn’t want to be a black woman fucking a white man._

A truth wrapped in half truths and finished with lies. And the disrespectful bitch had no problem in calling her out on it. She had known the moment the words came out of her mouth that whatever euphoria sheltering them was about to end abruptly. This was it. Certain that the woman before her would either offer some half-assed apology as some white woman had before. Or resort to more colorful retorts in order to return the black negro to her place as some white woman had before. Just like that gardener. Ruby should’ve known better and yet she didn’t know at all. There was only one Christina Braithwhite in the world and she wouldn't easily fall to either side. Her pride wouldn’t let her apologize and her indifference had no time for name calling. 

While her eyes held a brewing storm swirling with emotions, the sea had calmed and that was the unsettling part. But her rage and pain had been so great she didn’t care that she was ready to dive in without looking first. And for that, she was slapped with the simplest and shortest answer.

_No._

Her own confusion and shock having taken her back as she tried to steady herself for whatever would follow behind that no. And it was vile and hurtful and everything wrong coming together to mock her for even thinking of finding herself in this white woman’s bed. Regardless of which skin she chose to be in. And yet the mockery was silenced at the continued exchange.

 _You took that potion because you wanted to hide from the fact that even on today of all days you were a woman, who wanted what she wanted._

Perhaps it was true. There were many reasons as to why she took the potion. To discover why she even bothered at all. It could’ve been the eyes that remained on her as fingers pulled at buttons and untied robes. That searching lover's mouth seeking her out before she became covered in false skin. The false lips of her lover refusing to meet hers again. Instead finding purchase on every other part of the pale skinned frame that wasn’t capable of bending at familiar and well practiced touch. The unspoken intention was not lost on her as she remembered being questioned on not wanting to be kissed as Hilary. Nearly having half a mind to halt this twisted lovers game and make her own queries of said lover not wanting to be kissed in her own skin. The possible answers frightened her and she couldn’t help but feel grateful for the illusion of the potion while loathing it all the same. 

_Did Christina not want to kiss her outside of William? Did Christina not want her?_

The question that spun more webs in her mind. The absurdity in the hypocrisy of it all when she knew deep down no one kissed and touched and loved the way they wrapped themselves around each other. If she had any reservations about fucking Christina in William’s body, it certainly didn't stop the rolling of her hips and her hands clinging to broad shoulders. And despite those fears, the person moving underneath her, matching the steady pace Ruby had set since large hands guided her to mount and take control was tracing lips and teeth against her throat while constantly seeking her eyes, had no intention of letting her go either. Nails digging into the skin of her shell and tightening when she had arched. It was those hands that held her from falling apart as she came undone from those same hands that had clawed against her back, and initiating the process for her transformation. 

Whether or not Christina Braithwhite wanted her, Ruby was certain that surely she didn’t want Hilary. The disappointment in those blue eyes the moment she turned away from the mirror had recharged in a matter of seconds to relief and desire and passion when the pain and pleasure forced the solid frame underneath her to the bed. Neither of them stalling their movements nor breaking apart even when she had been flipped to her back and finally free. 

They had remained close together, limbs and hands everywhere. William hand landing beside her head covering her trembling form as she fought the tears of doubt and shame to fall. Looking into those blue eyes, despite the chiseled features of a man, she saw the softness of a woman. It only prompted her to return the kiss given. Wanting to crawl deeper into the love bestowed on her. The real her. And yet it felt as if she was glass ready to fall apart from every crack reminding her that this wasn’t right. This couldn’t be right. And another lingering question in her web haunting her for weeks.

_What made this wrong?_

Only the intensity of Christina’s gaze gave her the strength she needed, holding her as sobs dried into gentle tremors and sniffles before being snuffed by patient lips passionately molding against her own. The returned tenderness that she so craved and was given effortlessly now. Ruby realized it then, perhaps knew it for a while. She craved this and the person responsible for making her feel alive. Even in the uncertainty of where they were heading in this affair or the horror in the remnants of the transformation lingering upon their skin barely having time to cool for long. 

She was in love. And it terrified her.

Maybe it was the way a trembling husky voice gently asked if she were okay. A gasp falling from that mouth when she had tightened her walls around him. Hips bucking into her at the sensation. The sound of her own voice pleading Christina's name against William’s mouth in answer. Those eyes arched and widened in wonder before shushing her need with an eager tongue and a swift upward stroke. Large pale hands sliding up the length to caress her arm before lacing their fingers together beside her head.  
  
She took that potion because she didn't want to be a black woman fucking a white man.

She took that potion because she wanted to hide from wanting what she wanted. 

And the one thing she wanted didn't have the courage herself to not hide as well. 

In her sleepy haze she felt the trembling beside her and knew it was only a matter of time. An opportunity to hopefully find everything she needed, every doubt and question stealing her tongue to be answered without barriers between them. 

_Finally_. 

And once more Ruby was disheartened when the warm body moved from the bed with great strain. Her brown and bloodied hand reaching out to grab hold of William’s. Tightening her grip at the feeling of the true hand fighting its way out under the skin. Pained blue eyes found hers as the transformation grew in intensity. Knowing well enough herself that sometimes the transformation could be more or less painful at different times. Even for a seasoned user.

"Please stay..."

She didn't want to be alone. Christina's voice strangely overtook the audible of Williams as she closed her eyes in pain.

"I won't be far. Sleep.'' The last words she heard from a weakening smile sent her way as a sudden calmness rushed over her. A heavy cloud of sleep pulling at her as if she had been running for miles and miles.

The last thing Ruby could see watching Williams nude form go just as a slender arm tore through flesh that fell away. 

_Why are you always hiding? I wanted you to stay..._

Those were her last thoughts before falling into darkness, cold and alone and bloodied. 

And those were her thoughts upon waking up cold, alone, and without a drop of blood and discarded flesh in sight. Somehow she had been cleaned along with the room and sheets. Certain that there was no possible way in which she would have slept through such an effort.

And that’s what sent her ire burning and hot. The foreign words telling her to sleep and feeling the heavy cloud of fatigue wash over so unnaturally. The Clean up. The Washing Away. The fixing of everything on the surface as if it was all better now. As if everything had been put to right once again. 

Mama had always done that.

Marvin and Leti in their own way, had always done that.

Every other nameless face promising the world had done that.

And now Christina was no different. She had done the same too. 

Perhaps it was selfish of her to be angry from something so frivolous. Maybe it was an overreaction to carry her burning emotions down the stairs in pursuit of Christina’s voice. Light and soft. And even if the blonde finally in her own skin had even the hint of a smile and warm eyes at the sight of her, Ruby still saw blood.

Shuffling footsteps roused her from her thoughts as she perked up. Eyes landing on Leti who eased into the room with a look no different than earlier when she had confided so much to her little sister. And still there was plenty more that she desperately wanted off of her chest but for some reason, she believed it was a good thing to have given Leti but so much. Telling her sister that she had been spending time with Christina, the mysterious white man some of the time, had left her feeling as if she had to defend herself. Defend the blonde and her magic and the progress of their now stalemated relationship. Simply, she wanted from Leti the same thing she wanted from Christina, and that was for them to tell her it was okay. 

“Any luck?” she asked with a slight tinge of distaste. Ruby shook her head quickly wiping her face for any remnants of her grief. If the shorter woman noticed she didn't show it. Ruby doubted she would care to be honest. 

“I’ll try again soon. It is late.” she sighed not wanting to dwell on it any more than she had. Her sister clearly had other plans.

“Or you don't have to. Shit, we don’t need her. None of us do.” Leti argued, moving to stand closer. 

Ruby bit her lip before sighing, “An opinion, but Dee definitely does. So unless you can pull out your ass some way to help, Christina is our chance.”

“Giving that bitch what she wants until it's too late.” Leti sighed throwing a hand up. 

“Don't call her that.” Ruby found herself warning her sister. Her mind refusing to allow anyone else to shed insults especially on her behalf. Her tone not lost on the shorter woman who fixed her eyes. 

"Ruby, please don’t be like Tic and trust her!"

“You mean like you?” she couldn't help but throw out. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Leti asked crossing her arms.

“It means as it sounds. You’re talking this mess about not trusting her but clearly you trusted her enough to make a trade for that mark.”

“Now you mad about that too?”

“I’m not angry with you protecting your child, I’m just trying to make you see how silly you sound right now. While you did what you needed to do as a soon to be mother, there is another child right now that wasn't protected. Again. 

“We all had an obligation to Dee today. And It’s not like you were anywhere to be found. Probably up there with your sometimes a man!”

“Yes Leti, I was with Christina. After walking around looking for that little girl while trying not to break down after seeing that little boy! The same one you couldn’t look upon with your own eyes. I was with Christina doing what I needed to do while you saw Dee at the house and kept on going about your business!”

“I wasn’t thinking. So much was going on and Tic had-”

“Just for once be honest and say you didn’t care and be done with it Leti. None of us did.” Ruby raised her voice in aggravation. “Look I'm not blaming you all the way so don't read too much into it. Just that right now, it's not about you or me or anyone.” 

“You’re right, it ain't about me. It’s about what we can do for Diana. But you know Christina will use this to her advantage regardless of whatever she is telling you. Whatever you keep telling yourself is true about her!”

“You don't know what she tells me Leti!”

“I know it ain't nothing good. You can't trust he-”

“Yes, I can't trust her. You said it a thousand times. Now let me decide what to do with that information.” Ruby told her simply before turning around to pick up the phone. Effectively ending their conversation. She knew the shorter woman was still behind her and forced a hard expression as she peered over her shoulder.

_Leave._

Ruby watched her exasperated departure before turning back to the dial once more spinning the numbers so easy to her. Waiting as the line rang out in anticipation and hopes of a voice, regardless of which, would answer. She didn't have to wait too long when the ringing fell away to an impatient tone she knew well answered after the second attempt.

"Hello!" 

Ruby fixed her posture at the sound noting the way her own voice failed as she waited in silence trying to form speech. Her mind taking in the person on the other end. The buzzing agitation and irritation clear enough in the not necessarily inviting tone. 

_For me._

An audible sigh was heard before a softer yet stern tone filled the other end. "Are you alright?" 

There she was Ruby mused. That softness and assured timber with the power to leave her breathless for all the right and wrong reasons. 

"I've had better days. You?"

"I'm white. My days will always be fundamentally better. You know that," was her dry response. Silence on either end before Christina sighed. " It was a joke Ruby."

Ruby closed her eyes. Of course the smart-ass and her mouth would take the opportunity to say something offhand no less after their last exchange. "Your timing and material needs work."

"Funny you say that, I had plans to work on it before your call." She answered as Ruby strained to hear against the sound of rustling and something wet hitting the floor.

"Christina," she began not wanting their slow build back to make that jump into sarcasm and biting words she knew both were capable of. 

"I am working on it." She tried again. Softer. The rustling continued with a few gasps over the line. A silence falling between them again.

"Ruby, are you coming back?" Christina asked finally. This time a slight urgency lacing her tone.

"I can't." she answered with a sigh. 

"I understand."

"No you misunderstand. I can't come over there right now."

"When should I expect you then? If ever?" Christina asked almost as if not believing her. 

"Why are you expecting favorable company or is the little white girl afraid to be alone?" Ruby couldn't help feeling the bite in her tone.

"You're the only company worth keeping these days and yes, I am alone. Is that not what you wanted?"

Ruby closed her eyes biting her lip. Of course she would be the one to build the bridge to their last heated exchange. And in the most subtle of ways.

"I wanted you to feel a lot of things."

"You certainly did."

"And?"

"My body hurts." 

Ruby couldn't help the snorted chuckle that escaped her at that. Swearing the blonde was smiling on the other end. And yet she couldn't help but pick up on something heavy and missing in her answer. 

"Keep it up and I'm gonna start thinking you miss me."

"You can start." 

Ruby closed her eyes, releasing a relieved breath she wasn't aware she was holding. 

"Are you still there?" Christina asked after a moment.

"I am," Ruby breathed blinking away the tear that tracked down her cheek. 

"Shall I come to you?"

"Yeah. As soon as you can." she sniffed, quickly composing herself. "I need your help and you're the only one I know that can fix this."

Christina sighed but she could hear the urgency in her tone. 

"Where are you?"


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christina comes to Ruby after their phone call...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how many ways I can say that I hate it here but I do lol. 
> 
> Firstly, thank you for the comments and kudos and whatever else all of this means on this site. Really appreciate you all being being emo with me for these two that I and many others cant seem to let go of but that's okay. Massive love and thanks to the lovely minds that have listened to me bitch and moan especially about this entanglement of a fic for months. 
> 
> This chapter or rather part was actually written in a tug-of-war with the bits of chap 1 and yes that means it was chilling in docs for a long time and I mean since Nov.2020 because I hate it here and mostly because I was determined to continue the basement conversation from the show. A topic all on its own but I wanted to get this out. FINALLY. A lot of arguing and fluff thrown in here and there.
> 
> Mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Music Inspirations:  
> If You Let Me - Sinead Harnett https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtX0WF7Fn_0  
> Certain Things - James Arthur https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44GmZdn6_oo

* * *

**A Personal Matter to Attend To**

“The blood of her closest relative should do.” Christina had offered, opening the door and walking out. Leaving Ruby to look after her sudden departure. A surge of annoyance and hurt that the blonde hadn’t even spared another glance her way after making a deal and leaving instructions in her absence. The closing of the door barely registered before she was up, across the room and swinging it open to follow her down the steps. 

"Christina," she called out, catching the blonde halfway down. Besides a slight pause, it hadn’t slowed her pace by much.

"You have my word, I will come back and try to fix this," Christina said over her shoulder with a thinly veiled bite. Certain the blonde had been miffed by the events that transpired hours ago. Then again, those events Ruby was positive Christina knew to have been bullshit. Still, Ruby followed. Feeling her own irritation surging just as much as she could pick up on the same from questioning blue eyes that did everything to avoid looking at her.

"I know. And I know where you're going.” Ruby’s answer was equally short causing the red clad figure to finally stop and turn around before the front door could open. This time their eyes met again and whatever emotion she had been looking for was not there. 

"You said he is dead. I'm just going to confirm. Although I doubt a gas explosion was the culprit," The blonde trailed off. Rolling her eyes at the latter half of her words.

"It wasn't." Ruby admitted. Still trying to piece together what exactly happened. Irritated that Leti had offered such an excuse. Another lie. 

"It doesn't matter.” Christina waved off. Her shoulders shrugging as if she weren't bothered but even in her nonchalance Ruby could see the anxiousness hiding behind indifference. “Still, it is personal."

The scoff escaping Ruby was not as subtle as her lips pursed. _The hell does she mean personal?_

"As in you want me to stay out of it. Mind my damn business?" Ruby couldn't fight the way her tone pitched. It wasn't necessarily a slap but somehow it stung all the same. Nearly wanting to bring up how personal it wasn't when the tall woman had tasked her with tampering around the captain's office. 

This time Christina was the one to scoff and roll her eyes after a momentary pause. 

"You're putting words in my mouth and yes I want you to stay out of it." She answered with her hand turning the handle, pulling open the door and stepping out. Ruby hot on her heels.

"Well it's too late for that Christina!” she gritted out causing the blonde to turn around again. Lowering her voice from the few curious gazes on them. “I'm involved. And this mess with Lancaster has already found its way-"

"If you're worried about retaliation don't bother. Lancaster would've had every trigger happy racists roaming the streets," Christina breathed out calmly. A pale hand gesturing around them. “Nothing is amiss.”

"That means he is either dead..." Ruby sighed once again thinking over the ramifications despite the blondes reassurances. 

"...Or weak. But given the type of man he is we already knew that." Christina quipped leaning against the car. Her arms crossed with eyes peering down the street. Almost comical to Ruby as if she was trying to reassure herself that her plan for revenge wasn’t thwarted. And yet she couldn’t look away from the tension in her shoulders and the clenching of her jaw. 

Finally, Ruby cleared her throat causing their eyes to meet. 

"Just promise me that if he isn't dead you make sure he is before you leave that monster's office. Especially for what he did to Dee."

Christina nodded though a small smile danced around the corner of her lips. "Demanding woman. You have my word on that too."

Ruby nodded as the blonde watched her for a moment as if she wanted to say more. Her rosy lips fell open before she licked them and whatever words probably dancing on her tongue away. Blinking her eyes and the look was gone before it could manifest itself as she righted herself and opened the silver door to slide in. 

"I'll be back soon. Do as I said with the fever and spells. You're the only level headed person up there."

“I will.” she promised. Now finding herself wanting to say more especially considering the blonde hadn’t driven off just yet. Appreciating yet loathing this always present gap between them of things left unspoken. 

"Christina...be careful," Ruby said finally. Reminding her that as much as Ruby also had her own scores to settle between them, she didn't want any harm to befall the blonde during her little power trip quests. Even if it were well deserved. Watching those eyes widen and soften at such a request. As if it were the first time someone had ever told her such a thing about her well being before falling away at the corner of her lips pulling up

“Easy Ruby, less I start to think you care about me.” She said turning the engine over and peeling away. 

“You can start.” Ruby whispered to herself as the same words Christina had left her with on their phone call came so natural. Watching the car speed down the street until she couldn’t see the silver streak any longer. 

Turning around to enter back the shop but an uncanny feeling that she was being watched forced her eyes to look up and see a familiar pair of brown eyes passed down from their mother on her. 

* * *

It was done.

She had her revenge.

This chapter could finally end.

And yet the victory felt hollow. Something out of place and missing in what she expected to leave her with such vicious joy. What she had long started to believe and possibly even fear was becoming abundantly clear. 

Watching Lancaster struggle to breathe and plead his case filled her with such euphoric bliss even if a little voice in her head screamed that this was too easy. Far better than a gas explosion, if she were being honest. And yet she couldn’t shake the downing feeling that she didn’t care. 

His death was long coming. A certainty. She had spent so long thinking of all the ways she could bring everything down around him and now she could only laugh bitterly as a thousand deaths wouldn’t make as much of a difference if it were one. 

William’s skin falling from her own didn’t hurt as much now as she had revealed to the rotting man falling apart in a closet. She could pretend that it was because of the adrenaline or high from fulfilling her promise of revenge. But then it wouldn't explain the rapid pace of her movements to clean off the blood and remnants and return to _her_ side. 

That realization pulled her up short as she paused with a hand on the front door of the Hyde Park house. Her chest heaving from deep breaths as her eyes turned to look over and take in her surroundings once more. 

Empty. Quiet. 

It was the push she needed to close the door behind her and return to Ruby. 

* * *

Ruby stood by the window watching as the silver bentley pulled to a stop across the street. She could see hands running and smoothing down long blonde hair before the door was opening and the tall figure stepped out once more. Despite the vantage point she couldn't help run her eyes over her form crossing and realized that she was assessing her well being. Although she was relieved to see no harm, there was something off in her movements. Assured and confident as usual but...different. As if she had been running for miles and no end in sight. Unable to find the right name for it if there was one. 

"Go on and tell them Christina's Back." Ruby said over her shoulder as her eyes followed the blonde before she could disappear from sight. She could feel Leti hesitate behind her. Feel the questions and accusations brimming and silently prayed that if her sister had any sense she would just do as told.

“Alright,” was all the small woman could offer before leaving the room.

Alone with Dee, Ruby moved to sit by the girl’s side on the couch as she felt her over. The burning under her skin simmering down after much effort on their part. They had changed her clothes but the curse had taken its own charge frighteningly so. Whispering a silent prayer in the silence that the worst would stop rearing its head. 

Soon enough, the door was opening and Christina was stepping in. Wide blue eyes scanning the room and only relaxing when she found Ruby peer up at her. 

“How is her fever?” she asked simply. Closing the door and slowly moving to stand by the couch.

“We managed to get it down,” Ruby sighed. “Took longer than expected. But we got it.”

She watched the blonde purse her lips before a slender hand reached down to place a palm against Dee’s forehead. Brows furrowing with a silent nod. “Warm, but manageable.”

Ruby continued to watch her for a moment. Waiting patiently yet apprehensively for an explanation. Not caring that she had wanted to keep her out of it. Christina had involved her and she at least deserved to know. Realizing that the other woman was choosing to be a damn vault, her own patience wore thin. 

“Were you able to confirm?" Ruby asked finally. Her expression was as demanding as she could muster since the blonde liked it so much. Christina found her eyes and nodded again. Offering nothing more. 

“And?” Ruby inquired. 

“And it is confirmed.” Christina replied tiredly.

The blonde sighed knowing that the brown woman wanted more of an answer as she moved to pick up Dee's drawing. Her eyes absently tracing over the detailed artistry once more. 

“He wasn't dead,” Christina started off, “Partially. I was actually right on time to watch the spell deliver as intended. With your help of course.”

Ruby looked up with wide eyes in understanding that the vile man hadn’t succumbed not too long ago. She had officially aided in the murder of a captain. And yet despite her repulsion for such a monster she couldn’t help the tinge of fear that lingered. Christina must’ve sensed it as she sent a smile her way. 

“Don't worry your pretty heart out. This is our secret. And one I owe you for.”

Ruby couldn’t help looking away as her head shook. Processing everything and how so much was being thrown about. And somehow Dee managed to be caught in the middle too. “This is all so crazy. Last night he tried to come into the house but some barrier wouldn't let him and..."

“Did he hassle you?” Christina asked dangerously low. Part of her fully prepared to return to the lodge and cast another devastating spell on the dead man.

“No, but they shot up the house and-”

This time Christina turned to her with wide eyes. 

_Oh damn._

"Why didn't you call me sooner? Why didn't you tell me this before?" she demanded far too hot than intended but sudden urgency and irritation flooded through her. 

"Everything was happening so fast!” Ruby shouted back just as hot. “Bullets flying around and all the bodies on the street. It was chaos. And then Dee. Our current situation unless you have forgotten. So forgive me if my mind was all over the place, Christina!” Ruby snapped back matching the blonde’s tone. 

Christina waited biting the inside of her cheek before accepting her explanation. It at least made more sense than a random gas explosion. But still this unsettling stab picked away at her as she thought of how different her day would’ve been if Ruby had been hurt. How vastly different Lancaster’s day would’ve been in return. _I leave you alone and you damn near get killed!_ She wants to blurt out but thinks better of it. It wouldn’t do good considering her own activities probably occurring around the same time. And the way Ruby’s eyes had glazed over with that fire and her posture set defensively, she knows it was wise to curb her tongue. A habit she was going to have to learn when it came to this woman. 

"And I did call,” the other woman breaks the silence again albeit more simmered down. “A few times. You never answered until you finally did." 

Blue eyes meet hers with realization and begrudging understanding before Christina nods. “I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I should’ve gotten rid of him sooner. I was caught up.” 

“Where were you?” Ruby asks. One of the many questions brimming in her mind. Relieved that her voice did not give away her emotions at having been possibly snubbed after being fucked, shamed and slapped back to reality by the white girl. 

“I had an impromptu arrangement.” Christina offered with a shrug and the move irritated Ruby.

“Must’ve been important,” she couldn’t help the return of her own nonchalance and not caring that her patience was losing their unspoken contest. 

“I think it was very important. Then again, I could’ve held off on the timing if that meant you not being there when Lancaster came around.”

“I’m surprised you care.” Ruby scoffed. 

“I am full of surprises.” Christina feigned a smile. 

“You're also full of shit.”

 _Here we go,_ Christina thought, placing down Dee’s drawings and fixing her posture. “Where is her closest relative, I would like to get this over with. And be out of your way Miss Baptiste.”

Ruby raised her eyebrows with a tilt of her head. “They are coming. And of course you want to run.” she smirks pointing a finger at her. 

“You’re not really asking me to stay...”

“And I didn't tell you to leave either. Now or then.” Ruby reminded, daring the other woman to argue.

Christina sighed, “I think we both said what we needed to say. Would you have wished to continue?”

“Doesn’t matter. Because Christina only cares about Christina.”

“And Ruby is afraid of Ruby.”

“Im not afraid!”

“And I don't care, right?” Christina dared back. 

Ruby stared at her hard before flopping the cloth into the bowl of water. Not bothered one bit at the water splashing up, slightly catching on the end of Christina’s red dress and some of her exposed legs. The lukewarm water forced the blonde to step back with an annoyed expression. Ignoring her, Ruby stood and pushed the bowl a safe distance away on the table to keep it from toppling over to the floor. 

“Get out my way please. I'm gonna take Dee to her room so you can do what you do best and then get out…..Since your uncaring ass likes leaving so much.” she couldn’t help but mumble knowing very well the blonde had heard her. 

To her credit, Christina didn't take the bait but kept her distance all the while her eyes remained transfixed. “Do you want some help?”

“No, fuck off. Thank you,” she snapped, not missing the way the blonde bit her lips from smiling and Ruby hated it. Once more feeling eyes intensely on her as Christina watched in silence as she maneuvered a slumbering Dee before the taller woman was stepping around her. 

“Here,” she said, picking up the comforter and the young girl's legs in one go. Blue eyes met brown but this time there was no reproach or accusation behind them unlike how Ruby had felt from her own sister. “Lead the way, please.” Christina nudged her head towards the hallway. 

Together they managed to carry the girl down the hall into her room and on the bed. Ruby set about fixing her for comfort as she remained as still as before while Christina went around the room looking at the walls before whispers of Adam filled the silence. 

“What are you doing?” Ruby asked softly, unable to keep her eyes off the tall woman moving her fingers against the walls. Clearly in her own element.

“The apartment has the spell, I can feel it but this is her room, therefore the energy in here is profoundly hers. The more, the better.” she explained without breaking form. 

"How do I know it's not some other spell?" Ruby tested. 

"You don't." She answered without missing a beat. Her hands moved swiftly as she sealed the room. Throwing a glance across her shoulder. "Seems like you're just gonna have to trust me."

"Trust. Having a hard time with that concept lately. And it's not like we have much of a choice."

“You always have a choice, Ruby. We just grow accustomed in making ourselves believe that we don't.” 

Ruby took in her words as she turned her eyes to Diana. Her hand reaching out to run across the girls still form. Her eyes frowning at the disfigurement of her arm and face. Forcing her eyes closed as she took a deep breath. 

“Thank you.” she said softly.

Christina paused at her words but continued her trek around the room. “I haven't done anything yet.”

“No, but I know that you are the closest thing we have to helping her.”

“I'm not helping her. I'm just prolonging her pain. Lancaster was a piece of shit and that goes without saying much more on his behalf.”

Ruby frowned, turning to her face the taller woman, “So you want to just put her out of her misery?” 

“No, I want to be able to fix something like this but I can't due to the lack of tools at my current disposal. In many ways it is a wound to my ego.”

“This book of names?” Ruby asked.

“The very one.”

“Did he suffer at least?”

“Let’s just say that for someone white, today just wasn’t in his favor.”

“And you?”

“I'm not suffering. And the way you’ve been looking at me since I got here I don't think I look anything less than pleasing.”

“Stop. Just for a moment and be real with me. Was it enough for your revenge for William?”

Christina waited and turned to look out of the window. Ruby watched the blonde's shoulders deflate before a heavy sigh. “A thousand deaths. A thousand ways I thought of killing him. And all I could think about when it was over, was that I didn't care.”

“That's nothing new.” Ruby scoffed but couldn't look away as Christina didn't smile. Her blonde head tilting down. Ruby walked over to her. 

“I'm sorry. For the things that come out of my mouth. Whether or not I mean them. I’ve spent so long biting my own tongue since I was able to talk that I have adapted so quickly to saying anything I want.”

“You did say a lot of fucked up shit.” Ruby looked at her before sighing. “Why are you apologizing now? Or at all?” 

“Because when I came back to the house you weren't there and I hated it. Somehow you managed to make the best and worst parts of my day about you. Because of you, I allowed myself to be beat-” Christina closed her eyes, swallowing before continuing. “...to forget about Lancaster. And William. If you want to know how I feel, I didn't care about it anymore. Because of you.”

Ruby sighed. “Is this your around the bush way of asking me to come back?" 

“I told you already, Williams lips. My words. You can come and go as you please.”

Waiting a moment as she tried to gather her thoughts on what the blond had admitted, Ruby sighed. “You know we are not done here, right?"

“I would be disappointed if we were.” Christina replied. This time the smile appeared with an intense stare.

They remained in silence this way before Christina moved to shift closer to her more than she was but the shuffling of footsteps down the hall and into the room had Ruby jumping back. 

Despite the interruption Christina kept her eyes on the flustered woman as the others filed inside. An older woman rushed to the bed and tried to rouse the young girl as she frantically threw out questions. Yet Christina kept her eyes on Ruby who backed away from her to stand a sizable distance across the room. Fidgeting hands that ran against her hair and neck. Her lips folded before she settled to hide them behind a closed fist. All signs the blonde had started to pick up and knew well for when Ruby was nervous or feeling insecure. She waited for her to finally make eye contact again before pursing her own lips. 

Looking away her eyes connected with Tic’s father who darted his own eyes between her and Ruby before grunting. Amused from that exchange she found the hardened eyes of Letitia who fixed her with a dark gaze that she didn't back down from. No longer ignoring the side eyed glances and blatant daggers the shorter woman had sent her way from the moment she arrived. Not flinching from her stare as she returned her own. Ruby looked between the two of them after a moment and nudged her sister away just as Atticus grabbed her attention.

“You said you needed the blood of her closest relative. This is Hippolyta. Her mother.”

"The most suitable relative. Very well." Christina nodded feeling slightly more hopeful as she motioned for everyone to position themselves around the bed. Her eyes catching Ruby's fixed on her more pleasing than she could fathom. A small nod shared between them that meant more. 

She trusted her and she wouldn’t be leaving alone. 

It only encouraged her to walk beside Atticus to take the blade from him as she began her initial chants in Adam. Sealing the circle and pointedly sending a glare back to Leti as she walked around Ruby, relishing the woman's agitation before continuing the task at hand and standing at the head of the bed beside Hippolyta. 

And as was the case with some magic, in the blink of an eye the spell was done. 

A bustle of questions and inquiries were thrown about after the restoration took hold and the clock against Dee was reset.

"What now?" Atticus asked with wide eyes.

"Is the spell broken?" Hippolyta followed up intently looking for any change.

"No. I explained to Atticus that the spell cannot be reversed without the book of names."

"So what did you do here? What was this?" The woman asked from her place staring down at her daughter.

"I reset the cycle. A days worth but eventually she will succumb."

"So you did nothing." Hippolyta finished in anger. "She is still gonna die!"

"Lyta…" Ruby called trying to diffuse the situation.

Christina opened her mouth to say more but closed it just as quickly when her eyes found Ruby's. A silent plead from the brown woman that she wouldn't answer and let heightened emotions evolve to bitter retorts. The gratefulness that settled on Ruby's face told her it was the right move as she stepped away from the bed. 

Ruby took a moment as the rest huddled around Hippolyta and Dee. Her eyes found the blonde watching the group with a furrowed brow before turning to leave. 

"She didn't have to do anything." Ruby said looking at all of them pointedly before clearing out of the room as well. Once again finding herself trailing behind the blonde damn near at the bottom of the steps. Relieved that she had stopped although irritable before turning around to face her. Taking note of the exhaustion that seemed to wrap around the tall figure.

"It’s all we could do." Ruby reasoned somberly. 

"She's right. It's not enough." Christina replied with a shake of her head. Ruby frowned before remembering how the taller woman had swayed during the incantation but kept running through until what she had assumed to be parts of the curse had left Dee’s arm.

"Perhaps you should sit. It looked like that spell took a toll on you." 

"It's nothing," Christina dismissed. "Some magic is more taxing than others. It will go in time and that of which I don't have enough of. So If that will be all."

"I still want to talk." Ruby reminded her.

“Not argue?” she quipped earning an eye-roll.

“We can do both, smart-mouth.”

"Lovely. Here…..or home?"

"Home." Ruby didn't hesitate in answering. Noting the way the blonde licked her lips with a slow nod. 

"Shall we?" She motioned heading to the door. Ruby noting the new pep to her step.

_For Me._

"Ruby!"

Christina couldn't help the annoyance that flared up at the sound of Leti's voice calling behind them. 

Again.

She wasn't overly fond of the girl. Amused at best but after spending time with the eldest, she had come to learn quite a few differences and similarities between the two. The glaring difference was that she was ready and willing to bend herself for Ruby. 

The past weeks were proof. She hadn't felt like this before. 

Whatever _this_ was. For anyone or anything. 

Nearly akin to those first few moments of elation she felt once completing a new spell for the first time. And if last night told her anything, there wasn't a thing in the world Ruby Baptiste could ask for, demand of her that she would deny her.

But the problem in one little fireball was starting to wane on her. Amusement was turning to dislike and plain simple annoyance. 

Letitia fucking Lewis was fucking annoying.

Sliding into the driver's seat she had half a mind to turn the engine and peel off. Yet the only reason she came there in the first place was walking back over to listen to what she was sure was another sermon from the last person that should be giving Ruby Baptiste any damn advice as far as she was concerned.

When Ruby defended her she couldn't help the smirk on her face and avoided everything in her to turn around and look at them. Knowing that she wouldn't even try to hide the smile pulling at her lips. Instead focusing her eyes on the children playing a game of sorts under the close supervision of their parents. Part of her wishing she could join out of curiosity. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat knowing the reason for such vigilance was what had her slopping wet into the house that morning.

_"I was shot!"_

Leti's voice pulled her back as she audibly groaned.

_So was I. Twice. Get the fuck over it._

Finding it difficult to care for the woman's plight when the object of her affection was damn near shot as well. 

_"By her father. She then healed you and made you invulnerable."_

_No, there is nothing I wouldn't do for this woman._ Christina smiled to herself.

The back and forth continued as she thought of the different ways to do something nice for Ruby. Perhaps buy her something exquisite but that wouldn't do. Like all women she would appreciate the gesture of a fancy gift, but a hard life and independent attitude would have her refuse it. And it wouldn’t be the first time she had refused.

 _If I came as William and gave it to her she might-_ that nagging voice couldn't help rearing its head at her. Cursing at her own silly thoughts.

 _Maybe dinner?_ She could finesse something but would be a liar to say she wouldn't prefer sitting in the kitchen pretending to jot down notes while Ruby swayed around working her magic. One of many. She mused. Thoughts of Ruby continued to flood her thoughts when the woman in question gave the idea of Leti joining them in the car. 

_The fuck?_

She couldn't help the turn of her head and schooling of her features. In hindsight, it would save her a lot of the trouble and hassle if Leti would listen to her sister. At least then whatever foolishness her cousin continued to get himself into with the smaller woman's help of course wouldn't factor in. And she truly didn't want to see her hurt. Anyone that is.

At the same time she wanted, no needed Ruby for herself. And the way she was starting to feel about the less interesting daughter of Eloise Baptiste, the more she didn't want her around. She was starting to feel nervous that maybe Leti was more formidable when it came to her sister as both women stood engaged. And to be fair, it wasn't as if Ruby and her had made up. Of course that was assuming they were something at all and clearly nothing was defined. How could their situation be defined? 

If anything they were still circling each other on thin ice. But at least they were doing it together. 

_Please._

A hopefulness that Ruby would stick to their plan. She wasn't particular about facing the woman's fury. Wouldn't shy away from it. In fact, had a thrill whenever she would unleash her sweet tongue. Let the world believe Ruby Baptiste was a good girl singing the blues. Christina rather enjoyed being the only one to know behind dreamy doe eyes and that charming smile was a woman ready to tell the world to shut the fuck up or experience a heel rammed to the ass. But she would rather have it all than nothing. And despite how much she was eager to just go about her day, she wasn't going to leave her behind. 

She wasn't going to leave without Ruby.

Finally, whatever was said between them last had Ruby turning to the car with her eyes down and lips pursed before fleetingly making eye contact with her and getting in. 

Christina frowned knowing that whatever peaceful ground they were starting on was falling away but immediately started the engine and made sure to find Leti’s eyes just as Ruby turned to her sister as she pulled off. Hoping her eyes conveyed everything she felt.

_I don't like you. She is Mine. Back the fuck off._

The drive though quiet only had her mind racing more. Ruby hadn't said a word upon entering much less made a move or sound. The moments Christina glanced over to the brunette beside her, she was often found staring out of the window. A serene face if not for the furrowed brows and slightly tight lips.

_What's on your mind? What's bothering you and how can I fix it?_

"Are you hungry?" Christina asked, finally breaking the silence. Remembering that she hadn't eaten anything since the evening before. It was well in the afternoon now.

"No." Her answer was short and cold. But Christina persisted.

"I'm surprised you were able to find the time to get anything. With Dee and the others."

"I didn't." 

"So you haven't eaten?" Christina asked in confusion.

"No and I'm not hungry. You can stop interrogating me now."

This time Christina took her eyes off the road a bit longer than a glance to properly look at the woman beside her. Taking in the agitation clearly running off of her in waves. 

"Me asking if you were hungry is now form for interrogation? Interesting." 

"You asked and I answered. No, the big colored girl doesn't want to eat-"

"Don't do that." She cut her off with a hard stare.

"Excuse you?" Ruby turned her head with a raised brow.

"Don't use race or size to try and make a point that you rationalize in your head yet has no bearing in this particular moment." 

"I think I will do whatever I feel like with my race and size thank you. See now, that's your damn problem. You and people like you think you can do and say whatever the hell you please!"

"People like me?"

"Yeah, people like you! Born with a golden spoon and giving the world your ass to kiss just because you're-"

"Yes, white, privileged and rich off the enslavement of others. We established the glaring and evil differences between us, Ruby."

"And you see nothing wrong with that, _Christina_?"

"I never once said I did!"

"You haven't said otherwise either!"

"So me saying the world is shitty and people that look like me are the devil's reigning all the chaos would change it?"

"From your mouth it won't make a difference. You don't care, remember." Her eyes and tone daring the other woman to argue.

Christina kept staring at her even when Ruby sent her a sideways glance. 

"And what are you doing to change it?" She snapped back forcing the other woman to stare at her. "Because from what I can gather back there, everyone in that room including myself was hard up on ways to break that curse. And even when I come up with not one but two solutions, I'm still the evil white devil that doesn't care. Makes sense."

"I thanked you for it!"

"You didn't have to!"

"Why?"

"Because I-" Christina opened and closed her mouth. Biting her lip as she pressed down on the accelerator ignoring the hard eyes glaring at her change in speed and aversion. Horns blaring in the distance from her erratic driving.

Ruby wouldn't let it go though. "Because you what? Have feelings for me? Care about me?"

Christina kept silent and her eyes forward. Her mouth pursed clenching the wheel tightly refusing to engage any further regardless of Ruby's heated gaze. 

"Don't bother answering that because we both know the only thing you care about is yourself." Ruby grounded out before turning back to look out the window. "Just like everyone else in this damn city..." Her voice faraway and what Christina could only place as defeated.

"And that's wrong? Putting myself first?" Christina asked.

So much for refusing to engage.

"It's selfish. And I don't have room for people like that in my life."

"Some people." The blonde mumbled.

"What?"

"You don't have room for selfish people and yet you make a nice little spot reserved for the same sister you help with one hand and want to backhand with the other. So please Miss Baptiste, don't sit here and lecture me with your hypocrisy. My father tried for years and I saw through his bullshit."

"Bullshit? Leti is my sister! That ain't gonna change."

"And Samuel was my father. That won't change but it doesn't hold me back as well. After all, I’m merely following your lead, Christina uninterrupted." she quipped sending back the same daring look Ruby had given her.

"Hmmpf, Christina is gonna get a helluva lot more than interr- Where are we?" Ruby asked peering around as the blonde made several quick maneuvers before turning off the main road down the strip. The car eventually came to a jerking stop she was sure had been done on purpose.

"We are at a bakery that I heard is quite decent." Christina answered by turning the engine off.

"I thought we were going to the house. I don't have time for this or whatever you're doing-"

"And once again I didn't ask you to come nor am I impeding you from leaving." She answered quickly not wanting to let the change from 'home' to 'house' appear to have bothered her as much as it did. "All the same, I am glad for your company. I've always been glad for your company. But as is the case when you are in my midst, my appetite gets worked up and I am famished. So you can either choose to stay in the car, come inside or walk.Your decision."

With that the blonde stepped out of the car leaving Ruby to watch her tall red dress and heeled-clad figure stride to the front door and disappear. 

Alone she released a heavy breath and closed her eyes. She knew she had said she wanted to argue...talk, whatever. But damn it all to hell. The blonde bitch wasn't making it easy. In fact, she was going tit for tat with her. And to be honest, Ruby appreciated that. Respected that she could hold her own. Part of her amused at the thought of Christina in another life could be an around the way girl as if she was born and raised on the south side. 

Let the pretty blue eyed white girl fool the world into thinking she was all quiet and timid. She had a damn mouth on her that was sinful and yet could probably run circles reciting and challenging the good scriptures.

And yet she wasn't as vicious as the Christina from yesterday. The Christina that said she didn't care about a child's death and everything that could follow because of it. That Christina lost somewhere in the shadow of the woman who came without hesitation once Ruby had called for her. The one who spent the morning helping to give a child a chance. The Christina that was capable of making her feel more than she had ever felt even if it were whiplash after whiplash. The one that looked at her as if she wanted to consume and be consumed by her and yet spoke in such a way that left all the doubt in the world. 

Watching her through the bakery window from the car, Ruby could only ponder Leti's words.

_Has she told you her plans for the autumnal equinox?_

_Has anyone asked if I give a damn about an autumnal equinox?_ Ruby had wanted to ask but settled her face in indifference. 

In fairness, Christina had told her but so much of her plans. To be honest, Ruby had not cared as much either when the blonde had gone on a long tangent of explaining away all of the bullshit. At the same time Ruby was still processing the fact that this woman was also a man some of the time. It was wrong but she didn't care as much as should've at the thought of Atticus dying. That notion terrifying her but a weight off of her shoulders in the truth of it. The man brought nothing to the table other than problems that became her sisters and thus hers because she couldn't completely turn her back on blood.

Still, it was one of the many rivers to cross and Ruby wasn’t sure that they could brave them all. Her thin frame smiling at the baker as she peered through the glass causing Ruby to feel that uncertainty at war with want. 

_What are your plans? What is the game?_

And the only question that she seemed to always round back on: _Are you using me?_

It wasn't long before Christina emerged with a small brown box in hand that she placed on the seat between them and climbed in. 

“Oh, I see you’re still here,” Christina feigned surprise.

"Took you long enough.”

“And with that attitude,” she whistled as her long fingers pulled the strings apart to loosen the tension of the box. The lid fell open as the aroma of cinnamon and raisins wafted in the air. 

“Mmm...yes...” 

Ruby heard her moan and avoided smiling at the childlike delight in her tone and the way the pain in the ass of a woman dived into the pastry. Despite her figure, Christina Braithwhite could eat and at the most relaxed, she ate like a child given a delicious treat after being deprived for so long. 

“I think I heard right. This is divine.” She mumbled, mouth filled as she tried covering her chewing with a hand while reaching for more with the other. Her blue eyes dazzling as she chewed with all the time in the world despite complaining about not having enough as is. The move irking the dark haired woman next to her despite how easily her ire was ebbing. Much less at the fact that the pretty devil stared at her dead on as she continued her bites regardless of the side-eye then full on death glares Ruby was sending her way. 

“Would you like some?” she asked, licking her lips and fingers. Ruby stared for a moment before fidgeting. 

“Nah, I’m good.”

“You’re missing out...” she continued on in a far too sweet and innocent voice that exasperated the dark haired woman. 

“Can you hurry up, please?”

Christina nodded, finishing off her bite with a smile. Searching around for something to clean her sticky fingers as Ruby rolled her eyes and reached over to fish out a napkin from the glove box. The blonde mumbling thanks as their fingers touched momentarily. 

"You know, the baker said ' _Miss, I can promise you won't taste anything as sweet as these treats', "_ her hands turned the engine, shifting into gear, “I can happily attest that my tongue has tasted the most delicious thing in the world. And it's in this car."

Ruby snapped her head at the salacious words and caught mischievous blue eyes fixed on her as the blonde licked her lips to hide that fucking smile.

"Oh, you're just full of jokes aren't you," 

"From our phone call we agreed I needed more work." Christina continued smiling. Weaving the car through light traffic. 

"You need a reality check."

"Believe me, I have had one beaten into me."

"What?" Ruby frowned in confusion. Once more finding herself trying to make sense of this familiar yet unfamiliar twisting of words. 

"Nothing" she sighed far too quickly for Ruby's liking. Again. She was done with this. 

"You keep doing that. Cutting yourself off as if you are afraid to speak. Suddenly all tight lipped when we know damn well you don't give a fuck. What are you hiding Miss Braithwhite?”

"I'm not hiding any-" Christina started defensively. 

"Yes you are. But whatever. You'll probably lie about that too."

"Perhaps I should ask you the same because apparently you know something that I don't. The moment you got in this car you've been doing everything to hide what you really want to discuss. You have questions you need answers to then seek them out because I'd love to share on the skeletons in closets, Miss Baptiste."

Ruby gave her an incredulous look with her mouth falling open. Christina looked at her out the corner of her eye when Ruby suddenly held a hand to either side of her temples. Her eyes closing and grimacing as if she were in pain. Before Christina could inquire on her condition, a less than stellar prayer filled the car.

"Lord, tell me this devil is not in this car talking about skeletons in the closet with corpses in her basement." 

Christina ignored her antics with an eye roll, moving to switch on the radio and increasing the volume even though it was the jumbling static that filled the space. Just as some tune she couldn’t be bothered to truly listen to escaped the airwaves, it was gone. Her eyes falling to the dash and looking at the woman next to her. 

"What you're not going to do is tune me out."

Christina's wide eyes caught Ruby's daring her to challenge her as she pulled her hand back from the knob.

"Fine. May I ask you something?”

“Just drive Christina.”

“You said no tuning out and I can use my mouth to talk while driving.”

Silence.

“Ruby,”

“Just ask! Lord knows y’all hate being denied anything.”

‘Why are you acting as if yesterday was the first time you noticed either myself or William was white? If you truly feel some type of way then why are you here, in my car, en route to my house?” 

“William’s house.” 

“William’s? For someone so eager to be with the man you sure haven’t been as observant as I thought.”

“What's that supposed to mean? I’m not trying to be with him!”

“Good because he doesn’t exist! Not in the way you think he does. The way you are trying so fucking hard to believe as truth. And yes, I can admit my fault in giving you such an illusion. Perhaps a little too damn well,” Christina breathed before shrugging her shoulders. One arm leaning out of the window to casually hold the wheel, “But if the real William is what you want, then settle in your seat. I will have him up and ready for you before the sun goes down. I'm sure everything would be right in your world then. You wont have to pretend to be a black woman fucking a white man, you just actually might.”

“That's not fair and you have it all wrong. The only William in this situation is you. And you no longer have to tell me who is in my bed. I know the only person I have been fucking all this wonderful twisted time was you, Christina Braithwhite. And while you sought to remind me I knew very well who I was fucking yesterday as well. I wanted what I wanted, right?”

“Every second of it.” she answered without missing a beat. “Just as I did.” 

Her admission causing the other woman to swallow from the piercing stare and shake her head.

“The point is you just don't have the understanding to not say certain things that if it were anyone else, would get you socked in your pretty mouth.”

"Then stop holding back and sock me! Fucking and fighting are sure outlets for passion or aggression. And clearly you need both."

"A black woman whooping a white woman's ass," Ruby laughed. "Stay trying to get me killed."

"Fine. Come as Hilary and _try_ to whoop my ass. I'll make it interesting and give us both invulnerability. And I never put you in harm's way."

"Lancaster! How about 'it's nothing really, just hide this in the police captain’s office'!" Ruby reminded with a mocking rendition of her voice. Far too theatrical and almost comical if the current timing wasn't an issue. 

Christina opened her mouth to offer a defense and closed it when finding none. Switching lanes more aggressively as she grit her teeth. _Why was this drive taking so fucking long?_

"Exactly."

"I would've never allowed anything to happen to you," Christina started and the woman beside her scoffed.

"Hard to believe that when you're hiding in a closet with a man bound and mutilated."

"I promise you nothing would've happened to you!" Her voice raised in declaration. Blue eyes a brewing storm fully on Ruby who held her gaze unable and refusing to turn away despite the car moving. The brown woman finally averted her eyes in a huff prompting the blonde to continue, "Lancaster would've been dead weeks ago if anything had."

The dark haired woman shook her head. If even she wanted to believe Christina’s promises, it was hard to forget the fear and disgust and pain she had felt praying that she would be able to leave that place in one piece. "But something could have. That's what I mean Christina. Me and people like me aren't safe and you, despite your own well intended twisted methods, cannot ensure that. And that’s assuming you even have the inclination to care. It just is what it is."

Christina sighed, slowing down as they were nearing their street. Pulling into the driveway and shutting off the engine to leave them both in silence. 

"I'm sorry for putting you in that situation. And yes it was careless and selfish and opportunistic. I'm sorry that I used William to seduce you and prolong the inevitable. And Yes I am sorry again about my words yesterday. Because they hurt you even though a part of me wanted them to hurt you."

Ruby looked at her. 

"If it makes a difference I'm sorry that I am white. But I won't pretend for you or anyone else and I want the same in return. Whether we like it or not. I won't lie to you so don't lie to me and don’t lie to yourself." With that she opened the door and climbed out. Making her way along the stone path and suddenly halting before turning back around to stalk to the car, leaning over the window to snatch up her box of pastries and resuming her brisk walk.

Ruby watched her with an incredulous huff as she shook her head. Climbing out the car as well to follow behind. The blonde placed the key in the door swiftly and held it open for the other woman and closed it behind them.

"I'm gonna get my things and be out of your way Miss Braithwhite."

"Do as you please. I won't stop you." She walked around her and headed to the kitchen. Flinging the box on the table and fixing her hands on her hips. Taking in deep breaths as her tongue prodded from between her lips. Trying to cool her temper from flaring. That coiling returning as she leaned against the counter to ground herself to reality. 

This wasn't how she wanted this to go. Then again, she hadn't formulated a plan either. A common factor when it came to the equally stubborn woman Christina was sure had made good on her words and was upstairs doing whatever she thought she needed to. Everything that Christina didn’t want her to do. 

Needing to take the edge off, she walked to the brandy room and poured herself an overly generous round of whatever her hands touched first. Wincing as she swallowed while listening to hear the sound of footsteps and the tell tale creaking of floorboards that she had gotten used to and missed. A voice telling her to go upstairs and try again. Another telling her to give it up. Neither was useful. She didn't know how to try again and she didn't want to give up.

With a mind barely set on a decision, she placed down her half filled glass and moved to the bottom of the staircase and froze. Hand on the bannister before closing her eyes shut. She was being foolish. Ruby was making her a fool that was pining and pathetic and everything she had detested. Instead of being in the basement developing those negatives she was floundering about on the tails of a woman that could easily push her aside. That resolve of a thought rounded her feet to the basement door that she unlocked and had to pause once more. Cursing under her breath at the recollection of leaving her journal upstairs upon her return from earlier. Dreading and yet very eager to have an actual excuse to go up there besides wanting to see a beautiful face. Put out that she even needed such a reason to move about in her own house. Her pace swift as she climbed the stairs and into the bedroom and stopped short at Ruby standing with her back to the door. Clearing her throat, the brown woman turned around. 

“What happened?”

Christina frowned and looked over her shoulder to see the mirror or rather the broken remnants she hadn’t been bothered to clear up. _Really Ruby?_ She wanted to ask. _Of all the things to discuss and the mirror is where your head is at?_

“It broke.”

"I can see that. Did it fall?"

"No." She answered simply. Her eyes watching the other woman in silence before Ruby hummed and resumed her previous activity in gathering her items from the adjoined bathroom. 

“I am surprised you didn’t try to fix it. After all you are prone to using magic to fix everything like new,” she continued ignoring Christina’s frown upon her return and at the unspoken meaning of her words as the blonde remained in place observing her movements. “It should be easy for you.”

“Sometimes it's best to leave broken things as they are. A lesson I have to learn.” Christina shrugged, keeping Ruby's gaze. A move that was relatively nonchalant and innocent but her eyes said everything as her own unspoken words hit home. 

The other woman paused and scoffed before fixing her posture and stopping in front of Christina. 

“You will do everything you can to avoid admitting that you were wrong.”

“More than once I apologized. You are just refusing to accept that I mean it.” Her hand gestures around the room, “Which is why you’re doing everything you can to stall from actually leaving. For good.”

Ruby nodded. “Because even in your apology you still don't understand what you’re apologizing for. But it doesn't matter. You’re right. I should’ve been left.” Without another word she moved to clear out of the room when Christina reached out to catch her forearm. 

"I don't like people grabbing me."

"Am I just _people_ now?"

"Ain't nothing to read that far into. I just don't like it."

After a moment Christina bit her lip and removed her hand. Cooling her features as Ruby brushed past her into the hallway. Once more her eyes turned following the dark haired woman taking her leave. 

"And this is where it’s easy for you." She called out causing brown eyes to stare up at her from the stairs. "Walking away because something didn’t go the way Ruby envisioned.”

"Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away. A lesson I still refuse to learn."

"There is nothing to learn from fear. But I wish you all the best." Not waiting for a retort or the sound of footsteps and the front door opening, Christina turned away and paced back into the room. Fingertips trembling with magic and the urge to break everything in sight. Blindly Christina crossed the room to the dresser and retrieved her journal. Opening it to catch her fountain pen when the gold piece fell to the floor. Cursing when she had to bend lower to the floor and reach under the dresser for it. 

She paused taking a deep breath and closed her eyes to ward off the image of Ruby's face, Ruby walking away and her fathers condescending stare. Snapping her eyes open she reached for the pen and clutched it with ease before rising to her haunches and then her feet. Blue eyes looking back at her in broken fragments from the damaged mirror. Silently she cleared the room and was making her way down the flight of stairs and to the basement as her eyes scanned over the last pages she must've been interested in. Her hands blindly reached for the light switch as she burned the recent incantation to memory before placing the journal into the safe.

"Who was she?"

It wasn't often the blonde found herself to be startled but when it came to the woman currently sitting in the barely lit basement staring at the body she could inhabit was unusual. 

Christina thought of many answers to her question and even some of her own.

_Does it matter who she was?_

_What are you doing down here?_

_To be honest Ruby I don't even remember much about her._

_How long have you been down here?_

_She was a simple minded fool._

_Where the fuck did you get cards from?_

All of these thoughts as she looked away cooling her elation that she hadn't left and irritation that this woman was ready for another round.

 _We could be doing other exerting and enjoyable things but instead you want to fight me at every turn,_ she thought but wouldn't dare voice it at the moment.

"She was a groundskeeper at my fathers summer estate. Her name was Dell."

"How did she end up in a coma?"

"Your sister hit her over the head with a shovel." She quipped trying to avoid a repeat of her humorous reaction at learning just how the woman was incapacitated. She could see the small smile on Ruby's face that didn't reach her eyes as her fingers slid the deck around. Keeping her eyes on her she casually strode across the space between but not daring to close the gap. To be fair, Ruby slicing the deck and slapping them back together while clearly formulating the angle of this impending argument was intimidating.

Very bold. Cute even. Positively enchanting. That is if she weren't expecting a pair of spades to come flying at her.

Still Christina felt her chest tighten in anticipation for where this would and could go. Vowing to herself to not let that monster ever bare its teeth toward this woman again. So far she considered herself to be doing a good enough job in that regard at least. The only thought swarming in her mind was that Ruby clearly had something more she needed to say and she was doing a fine job of holding back from it. And yet here she was and there they were. 

Ruby on the other hand was fuming. Angry at herself for still being in this house and exposing herself more and more to the secrets and deception. Of course her sister would have a part in this. Christina had told her as much the last time they were down here and she demanded the truth. Yet there seemed to be more and more to reveal and line up in a row and in every way Ruby was truly starting to feel tired of it and being caught in a game of light and shadows between her own flesh and blood and the woman that was her lover. 

“Did you only help Diana to get to Atticus? Leti said you went to her to spy on him.”

 _That’s not exactly what happened_ , Christina wanted to say along with how much _Leti_ was getting on her fucking nerves but instead chose to be silent and listen. 

“All that shit you said about seeing magic in me, was a lie.” Ruby declared inching closer with what seemed like complete belief in her own words. _You’re just like everyone else. A liar._ Ruby thought prepared to throw everything, every bit of sweet honeyed words that belonged to Christina yet kept from William’s mouth. 

_I didn’t get my ass handed to me last night because of a damn lie!_ Christina wanted to shout. Feeling the choice to remain silent and listen was easily dwindling away. Finding herself carefully choosing her words from repeating thoughts that would veer off into something else she honestly didn’t have the strength for nor the bravery. 

“I never once asked you about Atticus...” she instead reminded her calmly. 

“I’m not stupid, Christina. My mama was a hustler. I was your plan B.” Ruby presses on and Christina hates everything about it, finally taking the feared few steps toward her. 

“You asked for my help today, and I came for you!” she says and means every bit of it. Hoping that her words and eyes could reveal that at the very least. Seeing no reason to lie she adds, “And yes, I saw an opportunity, and I took it. But I'm not using you.” 

Ruby didn’t look convinced and it hurt just a bit given she had actually made things more difficult for herself because of the woman refusing to keep her gaze. “I'm not your mama or your sister, and if you cant see the difference th-”

“Are you planning on killing Atticus?” Ruby finally asks, having enough of dancing around the issue. One that had bothered the woman since in the apartment and as she sat in the car waiting for this woman to come back. Another issue that deliberately had her end whatever Christina was about to say. 

This time her brown eyes remain fixed on her frozen expression as Christina recalled Ruby’s words. 

_You’ll probably lie about that too._

“His blood is a component of my spell. And I need all of it.” she answered dropping her hands to her side as truthfully as she could while also trying to avoid the woman running to the stairs again from what she was sure would be taken as some ludicrous madness of a white devil. 

She goes on about her father and the order and the power of weak-minded men and everything she knows Ruby doesn’t care much for but deserves to know. And so she keeps going even to hopefully show her side and how much she doesn’t want to ever be equated with them. She wants to set the record straight about Atticus as well without veering too far on that territory because of how close to home it is. Only enough to make it known that Ruby wasn't a plan for anyone nor any damn thing since that night in the bar where she had listened to this woman and her broken heart and pride. 

Desperate at this point she reached for the woman’s hands as she closed the space between them. 

“The only variable was time…and now you.” Christina admitted with every bit of fear she swallowed down in honesty and hope. 

“Promise me you wont hurt my sister.” Ruby demanded. Angry that she had to even give voice to such a thing. Annoyed that her sister still placed herself in situations that required Ruby to be her shield of sorts. Irritated that she herself had fallen for someone that was also directly involved any way the pendulum swung. 

And when Christina made her promise so clear and without an ounce of hesitation, Ruby could only blink. Searching her eyes for any deceit or treachery that could easily follow behind such declarations. Everything she wanted answered seemingly laid before her and yet there was something still burning on her tongue that she couldn’t get out. In truth, she wasn’t sure of how to get it across without rounding back to square one.

It was too much, pulling her hand away from the woman's touch and stepping away. Well aware of the sadness and defeat that flickered in her gaze as she did so. Crossing the room to stand by the comatose woman’s bedside only for the sake of giving them space so she could hide her shaky yet relieved breaths. Staring down at this Dell, the groundskeeper. A shell that was far too caught up in the mess that involved far too many. Yet she couldn’t decide on the greater offender between Christina, Leti or herself. Another broken thing to fix but there was no fixing this she reasoned turning the brass handle and listening for this Dell to take her last breath. 

The idea made her feel sick as Christina had broken and reshaped something new in her and was still doing it. As much as she came prepared to stand her ground against the cruelest parts of this woman and her ice persona, that side never came. Mere remnants seeped out but only enough to match her own fire. There was a softness she couldn’t shake from the moment she had made that phone call that started all of this to the moment their eyes finally met again after the darkest hours apart and in Christina’s every approach around her. What kept her waiting in that apartment was what sent her following out of the shop. What kept her sitting in that car waiting was what also kept her from walking from that house once again without a second glance back. 

_Christina will help Dee, for me..._

_And I came for you..._

That softness, reiterated verbally and by actions so much so that she couldn’t help but believe. The loop she didn’t want to stop as it had carried her this far and kept her in this basement at this very moment. 

_And now you..._

_I promise..._

"When I used to imagine being white, I always saw myself as a redhead." Ruby revealed offhandedly and Christina couldn’t tell if the woman was being serious or not. Either way it didn’t matter if the doubt dissipated and trust had returned to those eyes. The tension that had been a haunting reminder since the day before finally falling away. Slowly, but it was enough.

Still, Christina couldn't help the pull at her lips as she processed the admission. The shaking she had tried to quell from the moment she had descended into the basement and realized she wasn't alone. Or rather, with a preferred company that was alive and well and unaware of the power she wielded over her. Looking at her now maybe Ruby did know or was starting to learn. 

And yet witnessing the end of Dell, and therefore Hilary, only proved what she had accepted staring up with salty eyes at the night sky soaking wet and bloodied on the dock, she didn't care for Ruby Baptiste to be in any other skin but her own. 

Ruby observed the blonde lost in her thoughts before clearing her throat. Catching her eyes with a thoughtful look. "You don't seem too impressed."

Schooling her expression, Christina shrugged again offering her a raised brow as she slowly moved to the foot of the bed. Her eyes landing on Dell’s still form. Slightly remorseful as the thought of her petulantly wanting to cut Dell off not too long ago had become a reality from Ruby’s hands no less. 

So be it. 

She was dead weight especially after yesterday's events, where the prospect of Ruby inhabiting her body became a clear no-no for both of their sakes. 

"I don't want to infringe on your imagination,” Christina said after a while, meeting Ruby’s eyes. “Besides, you haven't really given me much to go off on." 

"Hmm, Average height. Slim waist but not too slim. A little something in the back...Is that too much?" Ruby asked with a breathless chuckle, realizing how absurd and shameless she was saying such things over a woman she relatively “finished the job” on. 

"A decent combination." Christina replied, picking up on her hesitancy.

"But one you don't care much for." Ruby persisted. Truly wanting to know what this woman wanted with her. Despite all of her interest and pursuing and declarations along with the constant energy behind those blue eyes that always seemed to be on her like the reverent touches, she needed the missing piece of this puzzle. 

Instead of answering with something witty or contrary, Christina merely shook her head. A few whispers in Adam fell from her lips in order to keep the body preserved long enough for disposal. Ruby watched with curious eyes as the spell took hold without much effort. Her hands reached to touch the body and pulled back at the coldness. 

"Giving myself more time before nature takes its course," Christina explained as the brown woman’s eyes widened in guilt and remorse. 

"Shit. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just done that…she probably meant-"

"Nothing."

When Ruby sent a knowing look her way, she fidgeted under her stare. Aware that her response was abrasive and lacked tact. 

"Just being honest. And so should you."

"What do you mean?"

"This red headed bombshell image you have drawn up,” Christina started as she began removing the tubes and needles attached to the dead woman. “I don't think it is an actual request and I also don't think it is something that you really want."

"And it’s something that you don't want either?"

"Would you prefer I be honest?"

"No, I want you to lie to me" Ruby sarcastically answered rolling her eyes but motioned to help with the task.

“It’s fine. I can take care of this.”

“I took her off so I am helping. I need to. Besides I wore her, and complained about you to her. The least I can do is this.” Ruby reasoned and received a gentle nod before following shorts instructions. 

"Personally, what's been in front of me has outshined every bit of the imagination.” Christina continued with a grunt as they worked together. “Then again, I refuse to be the one to ever interrupt Ruby Baptiste. But I think it goes without saying that magic has actually gotten me into more trouble when it comes to you and I'd rather not ruffle any more feathers."

"I'm impressed. You have learned a lesson about respecting boundaries."

"Are we going to be doing this for the rest of the day. Cool downs and back at it once more?"

"If you can't answer a question or take criticism…"

"But you're not really asking the questions you want answered are you? No, what you're doing is fishing for…..what are you fishing for, Ruby? More answers that you have deduced based on everything till now?"

"And my answers are not far off are they?"

"Your answers are very much slightly off because your questions do not have any intention behind them. I am realizing that it won't make a difference what I say or don't for that matter because in the end you have already made up your mind about me, this and yourself."

"Isn't that you doing the same thing you’re accusing me of? Fishing and assuming?" She asked with a pointed stare the blonde returned before a sigh fell from her lips. “And it's not like I am letting fear run me off if I am still here.” 

“So let’s go fishing,” Christina declared and it was the most ridiculous thing Ruby thought she heard come from the woman's mouth. Without another word, Christina ushered them to the long work station littered with books and equipment and gestured for Ruby to sit. Waiting for the brown woman to take her time in doing so before sitting on the opposite side. Their eyes stared intently at each other before Ruby opened her mouth and closed it averting her gaze and Christina frowned.

“Please don't do that.” she said softly when the woman returned her eyes. “No fear. No holding back. Don’t hide your words or questions or anything. And I will do the same.”

“Alright,” Ruby relaxed in her seat before nodding, “what the hell is this fishing now?”

“We ask a question and we will answer truthfully.” 

Ruby sent her a knowing look and she couldn’t but smile biting her lips. 

“Or as best as we can. Reasonable?”

“I guess,” she shrugged but sent back a smile. Suddenly finding herself nervous yet desperately wanting to have this moment with Christina. “You started this, so…”

"You think I don't care about you." Christina started without hesitation and took Ruby back with all the bluntness she could muster. The woman settled at seeing the softness still there in the bright eyes that refused to look away.

"I think that you're infatuated, yes." She answered. "I think that you are interested as best as you can be. Something to do.” Her eyes couldn’t help but linger on the blonde as she processed her words. Seeing a flicker of disappointment and the absentminded motion of long fingers rubbing at her bracelet. A nervous tick Ruby had started to associate with the woman in front of her. “I also think that you have known what it means to care for anything or anyone and so the learning curve is steep...but...time is a variable." 

Christina nodded and continued, “You want to be here?”

“The place has grown on me, Yes.” Ruby answered with a nonchalant shrug as her eyes roamed over their surroundings before casting another look. " It's one of the few places I can breathe and say what I need to say or nothing at all. Where I am not a burden or burdened by anyone or anything. Where I feel safe."

A long pause followed her words as she waited with bated breath for the next questions. 

"You are going to stay?" Christina asked though it sounded less like a question and more of a fact.

"I am. For now. Unless you get on my nerves again."

The blonde smiled while nodding her head. Releasing a satisfied hum, she tapped her fingers on the table before leaning back in her seat in silence. 

Ruby waited for her to say more but Christina’s expression remained blank. 

"That's it? No more fishing?"

"I am satisfied in my inquiries. You may proceed." The blonde said and continued her silent wait. 

"I won't be asking just three questions." Ruby warned and when the blonde motioned for her to begin, she let loose.

"Last night you did something that kept you from answering the phone.”

“Is that a question or…?” Christina started sighed at the look sent her way. “Yes, I did.” she answered simply.

"You don't want to tell me what that was?”

“No, I do not.” she nodded.

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn’t understand." she waited a moment then added, “I don't even think I understand.”

"Did it have anything to do with my sister?" Ruby throws out needing that information to be settled. 

"No. And before you dig further along those lines, it had nothing to do with Atticus either or anyone else outside of this room and away from this table."

"Will you give me the benefit of the doubt and tell me anyway?"

"Yes. One day."

"Would it upset me if I knew?” she asked rapidly feeling annoyed that fishing wasn’t getting her anywhere.

"Possibly."

"Was it dangerous? 

"Yes."

"Did someone die? Hell, did they deserve it?" She asks and it's meant to be a poor joke when the other woman nods her head. A mumbled ‘ _for a time’_ uttered and the admission forces them into another round of silence and unwavering staring. Ruby searched deeply for any answer and recalled the fatigue that never wrapped itself in this woman's aura but was there in her voice over the line and when their eyes met. 

“And no, no one deserves that.” Under her stare Christina fidgets in her seat and resumes tapping her fingers on the table. 

They say nothing again and Ruby wants nothing more than to end this “game” that has easily become stifling and worrisome but she can't bring herself to end it. 

"Is this person alright?" Ruby finally asks, looking at her with burning eyes.

"They always are. Considering all the factors in their favor to make it so." Christina nods and that's the end of it for both of them or so it seems. The blonde watches for any reaction from the dark haired woman and opens her mouth but shuts it quickly when the other woman shakes her head. 

After a moment Ruby heavily sighs before sitting up with softened eyes that Christina takes as a silent signal to calm her racing heart. Not prepared for it to spike back up at the next question dropped so effortlessly and very much Ruby Baptiste. 

“You’re into women?”

For the first time in a while and possibly ever, Ruby hears an actual laugh fall from those lips. Her own pulling up at the ocean blue eyes looking wildly around the room surely processing the absurdity in her follow up after such a tense moment. 

”No.” the blonde shakes her head sitting up in her seat, worrying her bottom lip with her tongue. Taking in Ruby’s raised brow at the answer and her demanding expression.

“I am not _into_ women. Just you, Ruby.” she clarifies with a penetrating gaze earning her a hum and a smile.

"And you want me to stay here?” 

“I want you to be wherever you want to be," Christina answers and receives a warning glare that curls her lips, "Yes. Even with this steep learning curve of sorts.I want you to stay if you’re so inclined.”

"Because you care about me, in your own twisted way?"

"Very much so. Certainly more than an infatuation, I guarantee you. "

Ruby takes in her words and bites her lip aware of the blue eyes that wont veer off from her.

"Is that the end of your interrogation?" The blonde quipped with a smile but made no move to leave nor end the game of sorts. Ruby closed her own trying to process the thoughts surrounding everything that had been said and what she wished to find out. The thought of Christina doing lord knows what and seemingly losing her life over it, over _her,_ was such a thing to process. She must have sensed her turmoil when the blonde showed mercy and cleared her throat. 

"I have another question,” she said loud enough and with a steel in her eyes that immediately sent Ruby’s guard up. 

_Here we go,_ Ruby thought but straightened her posture for the incoming wave. 

“What is it that is really bothering you?" Christina asked.

"I don't know where to start," she answered honestly with a frown and deep swallow. 

"Start where it hurts the most." The tall woman offered in a tone that was both sincere and tired. Soaking up the forlorn expression clear on Ruby as she bent her head down. Eyes absently focused on her painted nails. 

"After everything that happened and I came downstairs and before you started with me-” 

"Interesting way of remembering things...” Christina interjected, trying for humor but stopped from Ruby's tense expression when her head lifted up. Those eyes telling her that whatever this conversation would be about was the one thorn of many that continued to prick and she was determined to clip it from drawing any more blood between them. Biting down gently on the inside of her cheek and offering a nod, "Go on."

"You were on the phone. With my sister. And you made plans to see her." 

"I was and I did."

"After _everything_ we did. After _everything_ we said, you still had intentions of meeting with my sister." 

"Yes."

"And in seeing her you made her invulnerable-"

"I did. In exchange for the negatives." Her hands reached across the table to the further end from where she had flung the items in question her last time down there and placed the object before her. Her eyes imploring Ruby to look at them and refusing to continue until the woman had done so and returned her gaze. "And then I came back home,” she made sure to enunciate that clearly, “And you were gone and when I should've been the uncaring monster I aim to be I was thinking about you. Waiting for you and you never came back.”

"Were you really expecting me to be here waiting on you to come back after that?" Ruby scoffed with incredulity filling her eyes.

"Yes. No. I knew you'd high tail it. You don't make anything easy for me not even now. At the same time, you not being here was something I could not bear."

"You could not bear it yet you still walked your pretty feet to that car and _high tailed it_ to meet _her_."

"That was before!" Christina frowned. “And there is also the fact that despite my efforts it was all for naught because I haven’t touched them since. For all I know there could be something in there for Diana-”

"The _fact,”_ Ruby cut her off from continuing, “Is that you did it all.” Ruby explained calmly rendering the other woman speechless. “It doesn't matter when or why." 

Christina sighed but nodded.

"Do you want me to remove it? Give the negatives back to her?” she asked after a moment and received an annoyed huff. 

“It's not about what's on those negatives, Christina. We both know you wanted them.”

“Then do you want the mark as well?" She asked bluntly. "Say the words and it is yours."

"That's not why I am bringing this up." Ruby exclaimed in agitation that her intention was being lost before sitting back in her seat and closing her eyes while raising a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. A silence fell between them as Christina frowned before standing and rounding the desk to stand in front of her. Brown eyes trailed up to find blue eyes staring down at her until a pale hand reached out in wait. When Ruby made no move, the other woman pursed her lips and gently took hold of her hand, stared in her eyes, and began an incantation in Adam that was abruptly interrupted when Ruby snatched her hand back.

"Don't!" she said standing up and holding her hand to her chest as if she were burned. 

"Ruby I-”

"I don't want your little protection spell. I can protect myself. I have been doing it all my life so I-”

"And now you have me. I want to protect you. With or without magic as a factor. Whether it be your body or your heart. And I will if you let me,” Christina interjected holding Ruby’s eyes and begging her to listen and trust in her words. “To be as clear as I can, again, I am not using you! There is no deal or bartering here. If you need a transaction between us, one to believe in for the sake of comfortability then fine, all I want from you is the pleasure of your company in exchange for whatever it is that you want in return from me. And because you don't want to say it, this underlying misconception that I am in any way infatuated or give as much thought to your sister or anyone else beyond material is a gross underestimation of the way I feel about you. As far as I am concerned when it comes to you and your sister, Atticus can settle for the spark, I prefer my world to be set on fire.” Christina breathed out feeling lighter and lightheaded but doing everything to remain upright.

_Please._

Ruby swallowed deeply, fighting off the trembling and voices in her head that had been the source of interruption with biting doubt and contradiction. And yet she felt something once heavy falling off of her shoulders in waves that neither of them cared to pick up from their feet. This resolve caused her to release her own deep breath as she raised her eyes to find what was always going to be the case: blue eyes waiting. 

"So you really have no intention of making my redhead dreams a reality?" She asked finally with a bored shrug. Observing how the blonde returned her stare with confusion and dipping low to stare at her lips forming a smile before Christina released an overly audible sigh and leaning against the table. Her posture every bit relaxed and drained as she uncharacteristically slouched. Form too tall to even be much of a slouch. “You look as if I am taking you on a wild ride. Can’t keep up?”

“Would it be too terrible if I was selfish in wanting the real Ruby Baptiste for a bit longer? Considering the variables at hand?” Christina asked with raised a brow. 

“Careful white girl, I am really starting to think you care about me.” Ruby teased stepping closer as bright blue eyes looked up at her slow approach. A tired smile dancing on her lips.

“Finally, the nicest thing you have said to me this entire day.” Christina quipped in return. 

“I am still here aren’t I?” Ruby replied and waited for a nodding head before moving to sit back in her chair under a watchful gaze. Hearing the short intake of breath at the bare touch of her leg brushing against the woman that remained seated on the table beside her. “So the negatives…” she trailed off picking up the few strips of film.

“The lost pages…” Christina did the same all the while staring at the woman observing the darkened material with furrowed brows and intense concentration. Finally she looked up catching her staring before rolling her eyes.

“There is another chair you know…”

“I know,” Christina smiled, yet stayed where she was. 

"Then walk your ass right back around the table and go sit on one.” Ruby demanded and waited as the blonde’s eyes widened before licking her lips and standing with a sigh. Watching her careful stride with a smile she didn’t bother holding back.

_For me._

  
  
End.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two shots of Vodka anyone?

**Author's Note:**

> What you doing down here?


End file.
